The other night I was watching Clueless and realized that I still remember so many of the lines. That’s a testament to the great movie that writer/director Amy Heckerling created. It holds up all these years later and stands out as one of the best comedies of the 90s. For its anniversary lets count down Clueless’ best quotes.
25. “Whatever!” – Amber
Short and to the point. You need to make the W hand gesture, like Amber (Elisa Donovan), to really sell it.
24. “Wasn’t my mom a total Betty? She died when I was a young. A freak accident during a routine liposuction.” – Cher
RIP, Cher’s mom.
23. “I believe that was your designer impostor perfume” – Cher
Is designer impostor perfume still a thing? It should be.
22. “No shit, you guys got coke here?” – Tai
21. “Yo, you’re getting on the freeway!” – Murray
When I lived in LA, the freeway scared the hell out of me too.
20. “He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?” – Cher
It’s a valid question.
19. “Cher’s saving herself for Luke Perry.” – Dionne
Weren’t we all?
18. “I am totally, butt crazy in love with Josh.” – Cher
That’s the greatest love of all.
17. “You see how picky I am about my shoes and those only go on my feet.” – Cher
Cher (Alicia Silverstone) knew her worth.
16. “Do you prefer the term fashion victim or ensemble-y challenged?” – Cher
Ironically, when Amber gets slammed here, her outfit looks cute.
15. “Girlie, as far as you’re concerned, I’m the messiah of the DMV.” – Instructor
That driving instructor was drunk with power.
14. “Would you call me selfish?” “No, not to your face.” – Cher & Dionne
Dionne (Stacey Dash) was a true friend.
13. “I do not wear polyester hair, ok. Unlike some people I know, like Shawana.” – Dionne
We never did get to meet Shawana and her bad hair extensions.
12. “May I please remind you that it does not say RSVP on Statue of Liberty.” – Cher
This entire speech is amazing. Worthy of a least a B+.
11. “It’s a dress.” “Says who?” “Calvin Klein.” – Cher & Mel
That was a cute CK dress. The jacket gave it an extra, transparent, layer.
10. “Dionne and I were both named after great singers from the past who now do infomercials.” – Cher
The early 90s were a rough time for Cher and Dionne Warwick…and their psychic friends.
9. “So ok, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair and cover it up with a backwards cap and like we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so.” – Cher
This monologue describes 90% of the guys I went to high school with. Wash your hair and pull up your pants, dude.
8. “Rollin’ with the homies.” – Tai
Coolio was a wordsmith.
7. “Oh, no, you don’t understand. This is an Alaia.” “An Awhatta?” “It’s like a totally important designer.” “And I will totally shoot you in the head.” – Cher & the Mugger
I had never heard of Alaia until I saw this movie. It was educational.
6. “He’s a disco dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streisand ticket holding friend of Dorothy.” – Murray
I can relate.
5. “She’s a full-on Monet. It’s like a painting, see? From far away it’s ok, but up close, it’s a big old mess.” – Cher
The nastiest read in the movie. Very descriptive.
4. “My plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.” “There goes your social life.” – Amber & Dionne
Dionne served Amber with some wicked shade.
3. “You’re a virgin who can’t drive.” – Tai
Tai’s (Brittany Murphy) delivery and facial expression always kill me. She’s a savage.
2. “The was way harsh, Tai.” – Cher
The only appropriate response when someone calls out your hymenly-challenged-driver’s-license-less existence.
1. “As if!” – Cher
As if anything else could take the top spot. It’s the best line in the movie. Iconic as F.