NostalGeoff

This week’s show was the 100^th episode of AHS. It’s interesting to see how this series has evolved over the years. My favorite season was Asylum. Jessica Lange plays a great mean singing nun. The jury is still out on where 1984 will rate on the list, but this episode was pretty good at least.   

Videoshack

We’re in 1985…wait that’s not the show I signed up for. Anyways, Nightstalker and Jingles are still hanging out and killing people. Well, just Nightstalker. Jingles is sick of him and his murderous ways. When he gets a chance, he tips off a community to his psycho travel companion. They catch Nightstalker and beat the crap out of him as Jingles rides off into the sunset. Cut to 1989 and Jingles has moved to Juno, Alaska to start over. He has a wife, kid, and a job at a video store. Sounds like a nice quaint life. He’s gotten over what happened at Redwood and has finally found happiness. Since this is AHS, his good fortune is short-lived. Nightstalker finds him (I’m sure Satan helped) and kills his wife. A devastated Jingles leaves his son in the care of his wife’s sister and heads back to Redwood to take on his old enemy.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

In 1989, Margaret has made a fortune off of buying properties associated with serial killers and turning them into tourist traps. They mention Briarcliff, a nod to Asylum. Oh, and Trevor is her husband. No, he’s not another ghost. It turns out he survived Margaret stabbing him. When he woke up from his coma, he blackmailed her into being his sugar mama. She did him one better and married him, so he couldn’t testify against her. Four years later and he’s sick of her. Join the club. The only bright spot is Leslie Jordan playing her assistant. I love his brand of kookiness.

Back to camp

Years after being killed, Montana, Xavier, and Ray are still stuck in Camp Purgatory. They’re joined by the ghosts of the counselors from the 1970 massacre. Purgatory is crowded. Xavier and Montana enjoy killing hapless campers who stumble upon Redwood. Ray normally cleans up after them, but finally gets fed up after they butcher two new people. The bodies are discovered, bringing media attention to the camp. Margaret seizes on the opportunity and decides to have a musical festival at the camp. Like a bloody Coachella. While giving a press conference, Chet (forgot about him) and Montana watch from the bushes. They’re itching to take down Margret. Again, join the club.

On death row

Brooke has the worst luck in the 1989 flashforward. She’s been sentenced to death for the camp massacre and is set to be executed at San Quentin. On death row, she encounters Nightstalker who tries to get her to come to the dark side. He says Satan will save her. She tells him to fuckoff. Nice. On the day of her execution, Margaret and Trevor are in the gallery watching. Brooke correctly assumes Margaret is there and tells her that she’ll burn in hell for what she did. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, thru the power of Satan, Nightstalker possess a guard and breaks out. And head to Juno. Back in the execution chamber, Brooke is given a lethal injection and pronounced dead. Or so we think. Her body is wheeled off to the morgue by the executioner and she’s given a drug to revive her. The injection must of have just been a sedative. And it turns out the executioner is Donna/Rita. Surprise, bitch!

Things got whacky this week at camp. Revelations, confessions, and sexual situations. And, of course, stabbings.

Papa was a serial killer

We get a Donna flashback at the top of the show. Back in 1980, she discovered that her father was a psychotic killer who butchered women. There’s too much disembowelment on this show. She begged him to stop. but he killed himself instead. This led her to studying serial killers. Daddy issues. Back in the present, freshly reborn Richard explains to Donna that Satan brought him back to life. I was right! Again! He also tells her that she has the same darkness inside that her father possessed. A vision of her father pops up to confirm this. Donna refuses to believe it. Fight the evil, girl.

Ghost Sex

Xavier is still losing his shit about not escaping Redwood, so Margaret knocks him out. The group takes him back to a cabin to hide out. Margaret claims she saw a couple of campers across the lake. She convinces Chet take a canoe ride over there with her and look for help. Of course, it’s a lie. She beats the crap out of him, cuts off his ear, and tosses him overboard. That crazy bitch. Meanwhile, Brooke spots Ray wandering around outside. What? Didn’t he get his head chopped off last week? She runs outside and catches up with him. He’s disoriented and doesn’t remember what happened to him. They hear Jingles coming and seek shelter in the dining hall. After having a nice heart-to-heart talk Brooke and Ray decide to hookup since they probably won’t make it through the night. Solid reasoning. Later, Brooke reveals that Ray was her first. Then the no-longer-virginal-maybe-final girl finds Ray’s severed head in the dining hall fridge. Oh, that’s where that went. She freaks out and runs off. Eh, I would have taken my chances with the ghost who just popped my cherry rather than go outside.

I’ll never be on the cover of TV Guide!

Donna runs into the cabin, finding Montana and Xavier. She confesses that she helped Jingles escape. Xavier blames her for his oven-roasted face and tries to kill her. She runs, he follows. While hiding, Donna encounters Jingles who tells her that Margaret is the real killer. He never took any lives, outside of his Vietnam War days, until tonight. Donna feels guilty and wants Jingles to kill her, but he denies her request. He only wants to take out Margaret. He finds her at the archery area and nearly succeeds. Too bad Xavier decides to play hero and shoot Jingles full of arrows, killing him. Margaret thanks Xavier by gutting hm. After she leaves, Ramirez appears. Jingles comes back to life and the Night Stalker asks him if he’s ready to accept Satan as his savior. I’m thinking he’ll say yes to the Devil.

Sunrise

Montana tells Brooke that her psycho fiancée was her brother. And then she tries to strangle her. Brooke can’t catch a break. Running and catfighting ensue. Brooke manages to get the best of Montana and stabs the hell out of her, just as the bus with the little campers pulls up. Oh, hey, kids. Cut to the cops and EMTs showing up at camp. Brooke is hauled off in handcuffs. Margaret pops up, after stabbing herself, and claims that Brooke attacked everyone. I’m so sick of her. An EMT attempts to help Ray. He’s put in an ambulance and taken away. But then we see him back at camp. He can’t leave. The ghost hiker shows up and tells Ray this is home now. At the same time, ghost Montana pops up and shoots one of the cops. She has no qualms about killing people now that she’s dead. Oh, and it seems Camp Redwood is purgatory and they’re all stuck here. Fun. Meanwhile, Richard and Jingles have stolen a cop car and are able to ride out of camp. Like a batshit crazy murderous Thelma and Louise. I wonder how they’re able to leave Redwood.

This episode was a mixed bag of good, bad, and gross. Typical.

I was right!

Last week I threw out a theory that Montana was Brooke’s former fiancée’s sister. And it turned out to be true! Not so random after all. We find out that Montana met Richard Ramirez while she was teaching a Midnight Manrobics (an actual thing) class. He revealed his crazy colors when he killed a class member who disagreed with Montana’s music choice. Don’t mess with Billy Idol. She enlisted Ramirez in killing Brooke, in order to avenge her brother. Unfortunately for them, Brooke kept evading death. Dumb luck.

That’s disgusting

Xavier arrives at the dining hall to warn Chef Bertie about Jingles. Unfortunately, the camp killer shows up before they can escape. Xavier hides while a calm, yet freaked out, Bertie engages Jingles. She even makes his favorite PBJ sandwich, just like when they were coworkers at the camp. Stupid Xavier makes a noise and is discovered by Jingles. Bertie tries to help and is beaten down with a mallet. Then Jingles tosses Xavier in the oven and locks him in. We have to watch him melt under the heat and it’s as gross as it sounds. Luckily, Bertie is able to get him out. But, she’s near death from Jingles’ beating. She makes Xavier stab her in the heart to end her suffering. Poor Bertie. Xavier is horrified when he sees his reflection. That oven did a number on him. Later, when he runs into Jingles he hopes for death, but the killer spares him. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

The real killer

The truth about Jingles came out when he comes after Margaret. She fills him in on what actually happened back in 1970. It turns out, she tried to get Jingles to murder the other counselors who were bullying her. What’s with these women asking for murderous favors. When Jingles didn’t come thru, psycho Margaret took matters into her own hands and went on a gleeful killing spree. Then she framed Jingles for the crimes. He proclaimed his innocence, but was hauled off to the asylum anyways. Then he was given electroshock therapy that wiped his memory. So, when everyone told him he killed half the camp, he believed them. Back in the present, Jingles is floored by this revelation. When he tries to kill Margaret (again) she shoots him three times. She assumes he’s dead, but then he disappears when her back is turned. Doesn’t anyone check for a pulse? Later, Trevor shows up and Margaret stabs him to death. She intends to frame Jingles again. She tosses Trevor’s body in a car (the last working vehicle and way out of this hell hole) and lights it on fire. She claims God has given her the power to accept her true killer self. I knew this bitch was crazy, but I didn’t realize how crazy.

Caught between two killers

After escaping the shack where Donna was keeping her captive, Brooke falls into a trap set by the nutty psychologist. Donna explains how she broke Jingles out of the asylum so she could study him and now Brooke is her lab rat. Donna hides and waits for the killer to arrive. But Ramirez (tipped off by Montana) shows up instead. Before he can kill Brooke, Jingles arrives. It’s a serial killer showdown. Almost as entertaining as Freddy vs. Jason. Jingles triumphs when he impales Ramirez on a tree branch, headfirst. Eww. Meanwhile, Montana discovers Donna and they get into a Dynasty-style catfight. It would have been better in a lily pond. Montana knocks the psychologist out and takes off. Donna wakes up in time see Richard being magically resurrected. I’m guessing this is Satan’s work. After this week’s reveals, it doesn’t sound so farfetched.

It’s time for another season of American Horror Story. This time creator Ryan Murphy is paying homage to 1980s slasher movies. Think Friday the 13^th Parts 1 through infinity. I always look forward to a new season of AHS and slasher movies are one of my favorite genres. So, this should be interesting…until it isn’t. This a Ryan Murphy show after all. In any event, these are my thoughts on episode one.

1. Mr. Jingles is scary as hell

A slasher movie (or tv show) is only as good as it’s killer and 1984 has gnarly one with Benjamin Richter aka Mr. Jingles. We learn that he was a Vietnam vet that REALLY liked killing the enemy. So much so that he went back for a second tour. His favorite thing was collecting the ears from his kills and making a necklace out of them. Eww. This led to a dishonorable discharge. Post-Vietnam, Richter got a job at Camp Redwood. They called him Mr. Jingles because of the jingling keys he always had on his hip. One summer night in 1970 he snapped, killing 9 counselors/campers and cutting off their ears. He was caught and sentenced to a mental institution. Cut to 1984 with Jingles busting out of the asylum and heading back to a newly reopened Redwood. He murders a few people on his way, naturally, and terrorizes poor Brooke (more on her in a bit). This man is a walking nightmare.

2. The cast is pretty likeable

Normally you don’t care who gets chopped up in a horror film. But in this case, I actually like a majority of the characters and hope they make it. They won’t of course. Good girl (and probable final girl) Brooke is the center of the group. She’s virginal, sweet, and demure. So many layers of clothing, even in summer. She’s not so bright though. Leaving your window open while you sleep so a crazed killer (the AHS rendition of the very real Night Stalker) can break in. Traipsing around the woods on a dark rainy night. Stay inside with the others! And after nearly being killed by Mr. Jingles she still goes outside by herself to answer a ringing pay phone. Geez. I have a feeling I’ll constantly be saying, “Oh, girl” or “Don’t do that, girl”, or “Run faster, girl!” a lot with Brooke. Hopefully she gets stronger and wiser over the course of the season. The rest of the counselors include: Xavier the aerobics instructor/aspiring actor. Montana, the bad ass chick. Nice muscle guy, Ray. And hothead muscle guy/former Olympic team member, Chet. Then there are the other employees: smart no nonsense Nurse Rita, grizzled Chef Bertie, and activities director Trevor. Special attention must be paid to Trevor’s junk. He has a huge wang that is showcased in very tiny 80s shorts. Basically, his schtick is his schlong. Lastly, there’s camp owner Margaret Booth. She survived the 1970 massacre (minus a left ear) because of Jesus (her words). I can tell her strict religious nature is gonna get old. I might not mind if she’s offed.  

3. The nods to other scary movies are fun

I enjoy a good homage and 1984 has plenty. Obviously, this entire show is a callback to Friday the 13^th. The 80s, a maniac on the loose, chase scenes in the woods, and horny counselors. You expect Jason to pop up at any moment. That’s his thing after all. There’s also a nod to Halloween. When Jingles breaks out of the nut house, he opens the cells of the other patients. They’re roaming the lawns just like in the beginning of the original Halloween. Then there’s the gas station attendant who warns the kids from going up to Redwood. Pretty standard to have an all-knowing townie. Here’s something, if you live in a town where scary shit went down wouldn’t you move away? Heed your own warning, gas guy. And similar to Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the gang picks up a freaky guy on the side of the road. In this case, after they mow him down.

4. All the mysteries

Who left the threatening message on Xavier’s answering machine? What was that phone call about at the end? Who was watching from the van as Montana and Trevor “splashed around” in the lake? What happened to the hiker’s body? How did the Night Stalker find Brooke? Why ears? Again, ewww. So many questions that I’m looking forward to getting answered.