I remember going to see Interview with the Vampire twice in the theater in 1994. That was a big deal to a 15-year-old without a lot of money to spend, but there was something about it that compelled me to go back. The film was actually on my radar long before it hit the theaters. Back then there wasn’t a lot of gay content in mainstream movies, so when something even remotely homo-adjacent came out I was on it. I read an interview that Tom Cruise did with Vanity Fair where he talked about Interview being homoerotic. The reporter also referred to Cruise’s character, Lestat, as a “bisexual bitch god”. That sold me immediately. I went in for the gay parts, but actually ended up loving the movie as a whole. It was beautiful, gothic, and exciting. Plus, I was invested in the well-written characters. The other day, I watched the film for the first time in awhile and enjoyed it all over again. Unsurprisingly, this vampire story still holds up 25 years later.
Backing up for a minute, Interview is based on Anne Rice’s wildly popular novel of the same name that came out in 1976. I read it years later, after seeing the movie, and loved it too. In the book, Louis recounts his suspenseful story of living as a vampire for the last 200 years. Rice quickly sold the movie rights, but the property languished in development hell for years. At one point, John Travolta was set to play the part of the interviewer. That would have been a different take. With a different Scientologist. Finally, in the 90s, the movie was greenlit with Cruise attached to play Lestat. Rice wasn’t having it. She thought Mr. Top Gun was completely wrong for the part and told anyone that would listen. Before this, Cruise always played the hero and Lestat is way on the other side of the spectrum. He’s ferocious and manipulative. Hello, bitch god. Cruise dove head first into the role, though, with platinum blonde hair, a lithe body, grand mannerisms, and a haughty affected accent. He truly became Lestat and made you forget about his good guy movie star persona for a moment. After seeing a cut of the film, Rice ate her words and praised his performance. Sidenote, when Cruise made Collateral, a decade later, there was so much hype about him playing a villain for the first time. Um, not the first time, people. Then there’s Brad Pitt as Louis. He has famously spoken about how miserable he was while making the film, mainly because of the long months of shooting in the dark and the painful contacts he had to wear to get those vampire eyes. The misery shows in his performance. But that’s a good thing since Louis is the Debbie Downer of vampires. He literally whines through the entire movie about not wanting to kill people. The guilt eats him up. Dude, did you not know what keeps the undead…undead? Kirsten Dunst rounds out the cast as Claudia, the little girl turned vampire. She’s amazing as a precocious bloodsucker and earned a Golden Globe nomination for her work.
Going back to the gay content, there’s a good deal of it throughout the film. Some is overt while other moments are more subtextual. Lestat desperately wants Louis, but we never see them actually getting it on. The scene where he turns Louis, leaping on him and thoroughly sucking on his neck, is quite sensual though. Also, the two sort of become a couple after they turn and raise Claudia as their own. Like a gayer 1800s version of My Two Dads. Later in the movie, Louis and Armand (Antonio Banderas doing his best Dracula impersonation) have an almost kiss. They get so close. You just want them to go for it already, but this was 1994. The camp factor is pretty strong as well. Almost every line out of Lestat’s mouth is full of shade. One of my favorites is aimed at Louis, “You whining coward of a vampire who prowls the night killing rats and poodles!” Then there’s the coven of vampires in Paris that are pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires. Very Victor/Victoria. And, Claudia’s tirade when she discovers she’ll never be able to grow old or change her little girl appearance, screaming and feverishly cutting her hair, is standard diva behavior.
Interview ended up doing very well in ‘94. It was the number one film the weekend it opened and went on to make over $200 million at the box office. A sequel starring Cruise and Pitt, based on Rice’s The Vampire Lestat, was talked about but never happened. It would have interesting to see where the story went. But the memories of the original are more than enough to sustain me. Repeatedly.
The other day I heard the disappointing news that BH90210 got canceled. I knew it was a long shot, but I was still holding out hope for a renewal. It was such a fun, enjoyable, nostalgic show that could have gone one for many seasons. I’ve read so many comments about how this should have been a true reboot, picking up where the original series left off. As if that would have ensured its survival. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I wholeheartedly disagree. By the time Beverly Hills 90210 went off the air in 2000, it had run through every possible storyline, character type, and 90s fashion trend. Truthfully, it should have ended around season 7 or 8. So, there was nothing else to add in 2019. However, the idea of a meta-dramedy about the actors making a reboot of their iconic show felt smart and fresh. You could go anywhere with that. They poked fun of themselves and the show in a clever loving way, creating a new world for the fans who adored the old one. It was truly inspired and I’m sad it’s over. But you shouldn’t cry because the party ended. Be happy you were invited at all. In the end, I feel lucky that I got to experience this unique, heartfelt not-so-reboot-reboot of my favorite show.
***In the event that another network or streaming service picks up BH90210, this will make a great story for season 2.
Another day, another Mariah anniversary. On November 2, 1999 she released her seventh studio album, Rainbow. It followed in the footsteps of the Butterfly album in terms of leaning towards a more r&b and hip hop sound. But she still retained the pop and the ballads. Rainbow would be her last recording with Columbia Records. It produced two #1 hits, her 14th and 15th. A nice way to exit a record label. Here are its twelve songs ranked.
12. Did I Do That?
The question should be why did you do that. As in, why did you make this horribly janky song? She sings about the lousy guy she once dated and how she regrets the relationship. She should regret the lame lyrics, bad sample, and adding Mystikal and Master P to the production. Much like that ex-boyfriend, this song is not worth your time.
11. How Much
In theory, a Mariah/Usher collaboration sounds like a good idea. In reality, it’s lackluster. Their voices don’t mix well together and the song never goes anywhere. Not even the Tupac “Me and My Girlfriend” sample can help it.
10. Against All Odds
A fairly lazy remake. Not much has changed from the original Phil Collins song except for some unnecessary over-singing. The word “now” doesn’t need multiple syllables.
9. Thank God I Found You
TGIFY was Mariah’s 15th number one. However, this syrupy love ballad is one of her weakest. I don’t know why boy band 98 Degrees was featured. They’re nothing more than backup singers here. The remix with Joe and Nas is much better.
8. Bliss
One of Mariah’s vocal strengths is her whistle note. It’s best, though, when it’s used sparingly. So, singing the entire chorus of “on and on” via whistle is a bit much. She could have used a lower register and still achieved the sexy mood she was going for.
7. After Tonight
This is a little too similar to “My All” from Butterfly. Both are ballads that rely on a Spanish guitar. We’ve been down this road before. But it’s a pretty song with great layered vocals that make it seem like she’s duetting with herself.
6. Petals
Mariah laments that she’s searched for security with the wrong people. A marriage to a patriarchal figure that was never going to work or friends who ended up selling her out. It’s a beautifully sad record. But there’s hope because she tells us that she’ll recover at the end.
5. X-Girlfriend
A stalker ex-girlfriend won’t leave Mariah and her man alone. She keeps calling and hanging up and has even been pestering the dude’s mom. Mariah dismisses her with some signature shade, “Hey x-girlfriend, it’s too bad when you had him ya’ll thing didn’t work. But he’s all mine now so stop pursuing him before you get your feelings hurt”. She co-wrote this track with She’kspere and Kandi Burruss, the team behind TLC’s “No Scrubs”. X has a similar sound, but manages to stand on its own.
4. Crybaby
Mariah is crying over a breakup and unable to sleep, even though she has a new guy in bed next to her. Diva problems. This is a cool mix of r&b, hip hop, and a tiny bit of a jazz on top. Snoop Dogg pops up to deliver a smooth verse, tying it all together.
3. Can’t Take That Away (Mariah’s Theme)
Every true steadfast Mariah fan, including myself, has a story about how her music got them through a difficult time. She often writes songs about persevering, overcoming an obstacle, and believing in yourself. CTTA is one of those. She sings about people telling her she doesn’t matter at all, trying to break her down. But she won’t let them snuff out the light that she has inside her. It’s a message that resonated with me at the time and continues to inspire today.
2. Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker is a fun pop song with a dash of hip hop courtesy of Jay-Z. I especially like his “Want a piece of paper, scribble down I hate ya” line. Mariah easily built a bridge between the pop and rap worlds in the 90s. These days it’s commonplace for pop stars to feature a rapper on their songs. But she was one of the pioneers.
1. Heartbreaker (Remix)
As much as I love the original, the remix of Heartbreaker took the song to the next level. Mariah recruited Da Brat and Missy Elliott to add a new flavor. Brat kicks things off with her line, “Guess who’s back in the motherfucking house, with two big tig ol’ bitties for your mouth”. And Missy raps/sings about how she has “that good thang”. All this is done over a sample of Snoop Dogg’s “Ain’t No Fun”. Once again Mariah takes elements of hip hop and makes it her own. That’s why she’s often imitated, but never duplicated.
Is November 1st too early to start listening to Christmas music? Apparently, Columbia Records didn’t think so when they released Mariah Carey’s Merry Christmas on this day 25 years ago. They didn’t even let people have Thanksgiving dinner before hitting them with the jingle bells. Mariah was apprehensive about doing the project at all. Back then a Christmas album was something older artists did at the end of their careers. At the time, she was 24 and had only racked up four years in the music business. Releasing MC turned out to be a smart move in the end since it went on to become one of the best-selling Christmas albums of all-time. So, put on your Santa hat and slide down this ranking of the album’s ten songs.
10. Jesus Born on this Day
I can’t get behind a children’s choir. I get the sentiment and why someone thought it would be cute, but their little voices make this track sound cheesy. This isn’t Barney’s Christmas album.
9. Jesus Oh What a Wonderful Child
Mariah goes for a more traditional gospel feel with this one. The results are boring. It’s the song you would fall asleep to in the middle of a church service.
8. Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town
Eh. Santa didn’t need come to town this time.
7. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
This is a perfectly fine cover, but the song is so associated with singer Darlene Love that nobody else should attempt it. Not even Mariah.
6. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing/Gloria (In Excelsis Deo)
Short and sweet, but still very pretty. Hark, indeed.
5. Silent Night
A beautiful traditional track. It’s the song you put on while sitting by a cozy fire.
4. Joy to the World
A rousing rendition that actually exudes joy. Even better is the live performance from 1994, where Mariah really breaks it down with an enthusiastic choir. Feel, feel feel it!
3. Miss You Most at Christmas Time
The second-best original song on the album. It finds Mariah pining for her guy during the holiday season. Typically, Christmas music focuses on the happier, joyous side of life. But I like a sadder song too. The holidays can be a melancholy reflective time for some. Why not wallow in you egg nog for a little bit.
2. O Holy Night
I’m not one for traditional religious Christmas music, but this version of OHN has always won me over. Her vocal here is gorgeous. Deep, rich, and moving. The backup singers add to the fullness of the track. And the high note near the end always makes me happy.
1. All I Want for Christmas is You
The moment you hear the first music box-like notes on that keyboard, you know Christmas is coming. Literally. Then Mariah’s kinda-a capella vocal comes in, followed by those loud booms. It really sound s like something that came out of the 60s/Phil Specotr/wall of sound era. At the same time, it’s fresh and modern. So, the song can appeal to anyone. That’s why it has lasted so long and is still relevant. Last year it made it to the #3 spot on the Billboard 100. Hopefully it goes to #1 for this year’s anniversary. That would be quite festive.
We’ve come to the end of the road. Like a sad Boyz II Men song. It’s time to wrap up everything for the last episode. Fingers crossed that there’s more in the future.
The cast has gathered at the Peach Pit for the reboot wrap party. Everyone’s surprised that they actually finished the pilot. Now they just have to wait…and wait for news about a pickup. Unfortunately, The O.C. made their own reboot that’s vying for a slot on Fox’s schedule. To be honest, I never got into that show. Orange County can’t compete with Beverly Hills. Just look at their Real Housewives.
Meanwhile, Jennie is getting attitude, again, from her teenage daughter. Oh joy, she’s in this episode. Much to her annoyance, Kyler idolizes Shannen. Who wouldn’t? Brian fills her in on Jennie and Shannen’s frenemy years. This includes the red dress story. Side note, that was a real thing. At the 90210 season three cast photo shoot, Jennie, Shannen, and Tori all wanted to wear a red dress (see photo above). It was a bloodbath. Well, not literally.
Shay confesses to Brian that she had her private investigator run a DNA test on Zach. Brian, you are not the father! He’s more upset about Shay doing this behind his back than he is about the truth. He accuses her of hating Zach from the start because the relationship wasn’t about her and she couldn’t control it. LaLa’s acting is atrocious throughout these scenes, as usual. On a similar note, Tori and her husband, Nate, continue to fight about the reboot. He finally admits that he’s jealous because the focus is on her while his career is flagging. Such a whiner. Tori and Brian commiserate over their horrible spouses and wonder if they would have been better off marrying other people. Just get together already!
Jennie breaks up with Wyatt after he reveals that he got her initials tattooed on his chest. Oh no, bodyguard. In the Caribbean, Jason tries to make a vacation work with Camille. She forces him to admit that he can’t accept raising another man’s baby. They amicably call it quits. This opens the door for a Jennie/Jason “reboot”. Again, just get together already!!
After an awkward run between Christine and her husband, Phil, Gabrielle comes clean to him about the hookup. He’d already guessed. That lesbionic tension was obvious. Gabrielle promises that she won’t keep him waiting indefinitely while she figures out what she wants. Meanwhile, Ian and Anna are in a NSA relationship, but he wants more. She tells him she’s not feeling that, especially since her mom is an actor. She can’t date one too. This prompts Ian to hookup with Denise Richards (a real original 90210 guest star). Later, it’s revealed that Denise is Anna’s mother. Ian’s appeal truly is multi-generational.
While waiting for the pilot news, the gang manages to get their hands on the feedback from the test audiences who have seen it. These people are not kind. Everyone gets trashed, sending the cast into a tailspin. My favorite comments are from the viewers who thought Brenda and Brandon had inappropriate sibling chemistry. Just like the old days. And the audience members who wanted Brenda to be a troublemaker. No, that was Kelly. “Kelly was a slut!” (Shannen’s words, not mine)
The cast hustles at the Peach Pit Pop-Up, meeting fans and signing autographs. Side note, this was a real thing in LA recently and I’m still sad that I couldn’t go. No megaburgers for me. Shannen shows up late, covered in blood, because she had to rescue a possum that had been hit by a car. Is there any animal she won’t save? Christine informs them that there’s only one slot left on Fox’s schedule. It’s between 90210 and The O.C. The latter tested higher. Damn you, Mischa Barton. They’ll find out tomorrow which one gets picked up.
Brian throws a BBQ at his place so everyone can get drunk while they wait for news. Zach shows up and Brian confronts him about the paternity results. Zach had no clue. His mother always told him that Brian was his dad. Brian assures him that, despite the results, he’ll still be in his life. Later, Brian also reports back to Jason about the paternity drama. He shows him a picture that Zach has of his mom with Brian, back in the 90s. Jason remarks that she looks familiar. And who happens to be in the background of the pic? Jason. He has a flash and seems to be putting something together. Jason, you are the father! Maybe.
The gang learns that the pilot has been picked up. Suck it, O.C. They fly to NY for the network upfronts. Hilariously, Jennie, Shannen, and Tori all arrive to the presentation wearing red dresses. Bloodbath, part deux. On top of that, Christine has more news: they have to redo the pilot, Anna is fired, they need new guest stars (sorry, Kyler), the series will shoot in Canada, and the network can’t afford to bring all seven cast members back. Yikes. Despite these bombshells, the cast has to walk out on stage and meet the press. They put smiles on their faces, hold hands, and march out. Well at least they’re together for now. The end…or is it???#RenewBH90210
Other 9021Notes
The lame spouses and kids really brought the episode to a screeching halt every time they popped up. Nobody wants to see these fools.
Ian’s dream about 2019 Steve Sanders going back to the future to impart wisdom to his 1990s counterpart was funny. Stay away from mullets and midriff shirts, Sanders.
Shannen’s dream about Brenda and Brandon having a “flowers in the Casa Walsh attic” moment was pretty great too.
That was a good use of Weezer’s “Beverly Hills” at the upfronts.
I have to say that this was the best episode of the series. Everything gelled together to make a really fun show.
The first day of filming the reboot has arrived. Shannen, Jennie, Tori, and Gabrielle are getting ready in the hair/makeup trailer. It’s an amusing scene where they discuss aging, the old days, and men. Tori is worried about doing a love scene with Brian. All those old feelings are coming back and now she has to be nearly naked with him and act like she’s enjoying it. Not a lot of acting required actually. Unfortunately, Christine informs the cast that they’re shutting down production because of the stalker situation. Torching the sets in the last episode really made an impact. The gang decides to go all Scooby-Doo and investigate. They try to figure out who hates them the most and would want to stop the reboot. It’s a long list.
After taking a tumble down a flight of steps, Tori has an epiphany. Makes sense. She gathers up the group for a fieldtrip to a dive bar where the main act is none other than Jamie Walters. A refresher: Jamie played Donna’s abusive boyfriend, Ray Pruit (his mama could only afford one T), on the original 90210. Tori’s Showgirls-like fall earlier reminded her of how Ray threw Donna down a flight of stairs. Jamie’s career was ruined because the fans hated his character. The cast accuses him of stalking them for revenge. He denies it. A TV news story informs then that the real stalker has been caught. He was the creepy fan from episode two. Sorry, Jamie. To make amends they all sing his one hit, “How Do You Talk to an Angel”. Ah, the sweet sounds of my 90s adolescence.
Back on set, Tori is faced with the Brian love scene. The first attempt goes badly because she’s so nervous and insecure. Attempt two fails because of a meddling intimacy coordinator on set. Yes, that’s a real job. They finally get it right with try number three. But Brian also gets an erection, much to his embarrassment and Tori’s secret delight. 9021Ohhhh
Brian spent the rest of the episode adjusting to Zach’s revelation that he’s his son. He hasn’t told anyone, except Shannen, about it. Zach is a little hurt about the secrecy. Brian tries to smooth things over by getting him a job as a PA on the show. Things turn awkward after he suggests Zach call him “dad”. Oh no, BAG. Shannen advises Brian get to know Zach and take it slow. Later, when Jason snaps at Zach, Brian defend his son. They’re good again and by the end of the episode Brian has told everyone about his new kid.
In her trailer, Jennie fools around with Wyatt the bodyguard. He still hasn’t been reassigned, but he’s ignoring his “no banging the client” rule. Jennie is smitten and even pretends to like sports because he’s into them. It’s all too cute, so it will probably end soon.
Meanwhile, Christine and Gabrielle rehash their hookup. I guess they did more than just make out last week. Because of an HR crackdown, Christine asks Gabrielle to sign a consensual relationship consent form. It’s very 2019. Gabrielle isn’t ready to declare their relationship and this new turn in her sexuality. But later she’s ready to tell the cast that she’s with a woman, leaving out the Christine detail of course. Similarly, Ian and Anna are getting closer. They even arrange to “Netflix and chill”. How 2017. Before things get too heavy, Anna asks Ian to sign a consent form too. Did a HR director write this episode?
Nothing is actually getting shot because director Jason is too distracted by his drama with Camille and the baby. He’s pissing off the entire cast and crew. Jennie tells him to work out his crap and stop taking it out on the everyone else. Jason gets back on track, but when Camille calls from an ambulance, he has to run off set. Will this reboot ever get made?
Other 9021Notes
I hoped for a better story for Shannen last week and it happened. She was hilarious in this episode. Always throwing out a zinger. Not recognizing Jamie because he appeared on the show after she left. Ray who? Asking Siri how many seasons there were of the original show. That would be ten, Shan. Randomly eating something whenever they cut to her. And, “rescuing” Tori’s wandering pets. She stole every scene she was in. Definitely the MVP of the week.
The dream sequences continue to be wonderfully ridiculous. This week had Brian, as David, performing at the Peach Pit After Dark with Shannen, Jennie, and Tori (in their season 2 “Addicted to Love” inspired back up dancer outfits) accompanying him. Big points for having him take off his shirt. Nice V, BAG.
A random dude snagged Zach’s used water bottle, presumedly to do a DNA test. I’m glad someone thought of that since Brian is too damn trusting.
Jennie reassuring Tori that her sex scene with Brian would be fine because it’s not real, like her boobs (complete with her bouncing Tori’s implants), made me guffaw.
The stalker reveal seems too easy. It has to be a red herring…like on a Scooby-Doo episode.
Twenty years ago, Christina Aguilera released her self-titled debut album. The late 90s were all about teen pop acts, with Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, and NSYNC dominating the charts. 18-year-old Christina fit right in, but at the same time her incredible voice made her stand out from the crowd. The album debuted at #1 on the Billboard 200 and went 8x platinum. Let’s rank its 12 tracks.
12. When You Put Your Hands on Me
You know what Christina Aguilera doesn’t need? Auto-tune. Yes, the sound effect was very popular at the time (thanks, Cher), but that doesn’t mean it should have been used. It makes the song sound dated and cheesy.
11. Blessed
Blessed equals boring. It’s a nice song, but far too simple and slight. I’d listen to this one if I needed something to help me sleep. Zzzzz
10. Somebody’s Somebody
A frequent problem with this album is that the songs sound like they were written for an older artist. “Somebody’s Somebody” is a prime example. I would expect to hear this on a Celine Dion album. No, I’m not calling Celine old. I’m just saying this adult contemporary track is more up her alley than a teen pop star’s.
9. Love Will Find A Way
Christina sings about getting through the bad times in a relationship. Don’t worry about the bumps in the road, love will find a way. Eh, I don’t believe it. But it has an ok breakdown/bridge, making it kind of danceable. This could be someone’s jam.
8. Reflection
This was the featured song in the animated film, Mulan. Not surprisingly, it sounds very Disney. A grand, sweeping track about trying to find your way in the world. It doesn’t mesh well with the rest of the album though. This feels like she’s going backwards to her Mouseketeer days.
7. I Turn to You
The third single released from the album and the weakest in my opinion. It’s a very Whitney-like ballad, circa 1991. Nothing’s wrong with that. But Whitney had better material. There’s nothing special here.
6. Come on Over
After the release of the album, Christina went back into the studio and souped up “Come on Over”, adding some new lyrics and a breakdown. It was definitely an improvement. But if I’m judging the original, with all its hollow generic pop sound, it lands at #6.
5. Obvious
Sometimes you don’t need a lot of production for a song. Just Christina’s voice and some keyboards will do. This ballad is uncomplicated, yet powerful, and quite beautiful.
4. So Emotional
“So Emotional” is a enjoyable playful song. I like the layered vocals and easy mid-tempo beat. It was originally intended to be released as a single and I wish her record company had done so. It would have been a better choice than “I Turn to You”.
3. Love for All Seasons
Christina promises to be there for her man through winter, spring, summer, and fall. That’s ambitious and versatile. Another great example of a strong vocal that keeps amping up and enriching the song. It sounds like something Babyface would have produced.
2. What A Girl Wants
A close runner-up to the top spot. “Girl” was the second single off the album and her second #1. It’s a fun blend of pop and r&b. This is the song you blast on the radio and “car dance” to. Yes, that’s a thing. It’s what a girl…or a boy wants.
1. Genie in a Bottle
This has to be number one, there’s no contest. It has sultry vocals, lyrics full of innuendo, and a timeless melody. Definitely the song you want for your introduction to the world and ultimately one of your signature tracks.
We’ve reached the halfway point of this “event series”. I’m sad that its gone by so quickly, but happy that it happened at all. That sounds like a yearbook quote.
The episode opens with Gabrielle and Christine having lunch. Gabrielle assumed it was a date and is mortified when Christine tells her otherwise. She’s new at this dating stuff. Or non-dating, as the case may be.
Meanwhile, someone has leaked Shay‘s unfinished pre-autotuned song on social media. Her singing matches her acting abilities. She jumps to the conclusion that Zach (cute assistant/stalker guy) did it. Her private investigator later reveals that Shay’s stylist is the culprit. But, he investigated Zach too and found his stalker wall. Really shouldn’t leave that out in the open. Brian confronts him. In the least surprising moment of the night (and the series), Zach blurts out that he’s BAG’s son. Who didn’t see that coming?!
Jennie and her hot-bodied bodyguard, Wyatt, continue to flirt. Unfortunately, the stalker hasn’t popped up in awhile so Fox is having Wyatt reassigned. But then someone sticks a knife in Jennie’s tire. Is it the stalker? No, it’s her stupidly-named daughter, Kyler. She wanted Wyatt to stick around to make her mom happy. But, he can’t date a client. Jennie has him reassigned, choosing a hookup over her own personal safety.
The day of the table read has come. Everyone except Shannen attends. She’s still negotiating her deal with the network. Turns out she’s not missing much since the script sucks. Anna really got it wrong and the cast revolts. That night they gather for the reboot’s launch party and bash her writing again. Anna storms off. Christine warns the cast that without a writer, they’ll have nothing to shoot tomorrow. They decide to fix the script themselves. Because writing is so easy. As usual with this crew, fighting (and making up) ensues. Ian, who has been clashing with Anna the whole episode, secretly records it all and sends her the video. He gets in her good graces while giving her inspiration for rewriting the reboot.
In the midst of this, Shannen arrives. But she’s freaked out by all the negative energy (she’s annoyingly New Age) and runs away. She’s reconsidering doing the reboot altogether. Tori reports back to Christine, who reveals that Shannen is making twice as much as everyone else for the reboot. Wonder if that was true in real life? Tori tells the rest of the gang and they confront her. She manipulates them into forgiving her by telling them that her salary is going to orphans. Uh, sure, Shan.
Elsewhere, Gabrielle and Christine share a sweet moment. They almost kiss, but Gabrielle is buzzed and doesn’t want it to be like this. Later on, she loosens up and goes for a full on makeout session. Maybe she’s getting the hang of this girl-on-girl thing.
Once again Tori is dealing with her stupid husband. First, she tries to take out any David/Donna love scenes so as not to upset him. But then she’s the one upset when he prefers hanging out with Shay over her. Luckily, Brian gives her a pep talk. By the end of the episode, Tori is confessing to Jennie that she has feelings for Brian. You and all the “Silver Daddy” fans, girl.
Anna returns with a better script that everyone loves. Good work, Ian. The next day, on the lot, the cast discovers that someone has painted “stop acting like I’m not here” on the stage door. And the set is on fire. Cue the “reboot has gone up in flames” jokes.
Other 9021Notes
I liked that this was a Gabrielle-centric episode, with her hilarious nightmare about being back on the show in full Andrea garb. Those 90s vests! And her touching speech about feeling like she didn’t fit in with the others back in the day because she was the oldest. She’s getting better stories here than she ever did on the original 902010.
Kyler auditioned to play Jennie’s daughter in the reboot, but she can’t act. Then she whined about getting a smaller consolation part. Riveting. Are we supposed to hate all the wives and children on this show?
I’m not down with this New Age version of Shannen. Hopefully there’s a better story for her in the last two episodes. I did like her nod to Brenda’s horrible French accent from season three of the show. Exactement!
Things are progressing well with the reboot in episode three, but the gang’s personal lives are still a mess.
Jason confronts Camille about the baby and how he couldn’t possibly be the father due to his fertility issues. She admits to getting drunk and making a mistake. Sounds familiar. But he can’t forgive her. A wee bit hypocritical, Jason.
Meanwhile, Tori is inspired by seeing the iconic 90210 cast poster at Fox. You know, the one where they’re laying together intertwined. You know, the one at the top of this recap. Why didn’t I ever buy a copy back in the day? Anyways, the cast gathers together to recreate it. Ian rolls in hung over. He’s been spiraling ever since his marriage broke up. In an awkward moment, he kinda hits on Anna, a writer on the reboot. So much #MeToo. Nearby, Jason realizes that the show’s head writer, Carlisle, is Camille’s one-night stand/baby daddy. They argue. Ian intervenes and punches Carlisle. Equipment flies, the set goes up in flames, and the shoot is over.
This all leads to a much-needed group therapy session. Ironically, the therapist is Carol Potter, aka Mrs. Walsh. Well, she always did give great fictional advice. Naturally, therapy turns into another big fight and a rehash of old issues. This is one dysfunctional “family”. It comes out that Jennie and Jason slept together. Chaos ensues and everyone storms out. Carol needs to work on her technique.
The mutilated dolls from the last episode (still creepy) lead to Jennie getting a bodyguard. He’s as cute as a 90s Kevin Costner. There’s a bit of a flirtation, but Jennie is still focused on Jason. She tells Tori that she has feelings for him. She hates him! She loves him! Confusing! But she also encourages him to forgive Camille. Jason listens and they reunite. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Gabrielle’s husband (Does he even have a name? Do I care to learn it?) isn’t too happy to hear about her not-so-new interest in women. But Christine, an out lesbian, is quite supportive. She urges Gabrielle to get out there and explore. By the end of the episode, she asks Gabrielle out on a date. Should a network executive really be involved with the talent, especially at Fox?
Brian hires Zach, aka hot stalker guy, as his assistant. Shay dislikes him from the get go. That all changes when one of their kids gets out of the house and Zach saves the day. He even covers for Shay and takes the blame for the incident. Brian, impressed, gives Zach a key to the house. That won’t bite him in the ass or anything.
Tori has her hands full being a wife/mom/producer. Her lame husband doesn’t like her new job. Plus, he’s threatened by her past with Brian. Such a man-baby. She also has to contend with the Jason/Carlisle drama. Jason refuses to work with him, so Christine orders Tori to put on her big girl panties (her words, not mine) and fire the writer. Carlisle takes it well. Suspiciously well. Then she is tasked with getting an off the grid Shannen to sign on to the reboot. Cut to Tori hilariously scaling a mountain in Peru to get to her former co-star. After some begging, Shannen agrees to go back to LA, just in time for the photo shoot. It’s great seeing the seven of them together. Like it was 1991 again. I gotta search Amazon for that old poster.
Other 9021Notes
The mutilated dolls don’t seem to be a big concern for the cast. Really? This is normal?
Anna gets promoted to head writer. Good luck with that, Ian.
I gotta say LaLa Anthony is a horrible actress. Like, Models Inc. bad.
Did they really need a storyboard for the photo shoot? Was it that complicated?
NostalGeoff 