NostalGeoff

Category: TV

• AHS 1984 Recap…The Lady in White

  Posted at 8:22 am by Geoff, on October 31, 2019

  

  This episode gave us some character backstories, a couple of AHS veterans, and an 80s pop group massacre. Fun.

  Camp Golden Star

  The opener is a flashback to 1948 at Camp Golden Star. We’ll learn later that this was the precursor to Redwood. Oh, AHS regular, Lily Rabe is there. I always liked her, especially in the Coven season. This time she’s playing Jingles’ mother. She works at the camp and also lives there with her sons Bobby (the favorite) and Benjamin (aka Jingles, the not-so-favorite). Btw, great casting with the kid who plays preteen Jingles. One day at the lake, Bobby is killed in a boating accident. Mother Jingles loses her shit and curses Benjamin, for not looking after his brother, and the counselors who also weren’t keeping an eye on her son. They were too busy having sex. Wait, is Bobby Jason Voorhies?

  At the roller rink

  After rescuing Brooke from execution, Donna takes her to a motel and helps her come down from the drug she gave her to make it appear like she was dead. Brooke recovers and hears about the music festival Margaret is throwing at Redwood. She vows revenge for the years that bitch took from her. Donna takes her to a roller rink to cheer her up. Cue the fun skating montage. It’s totally rad. Oh and then AHS regular Dylan McDermott (not Dermot Mulroney) pops up. I like these little cameos. Dylan is playing Bruce, a sketchy guy who asks the girls for a ride. Don’t do it! They refuse. Later, who should happen upon them when their car won’t start? Yep, Bruce. He fixes their car and Donna offers him a ride in return. On the road, Bruce starts to act creepy and the ladies want to kick him out. Unfortunately, a cop pulls up. Brooke is worried he’ll recognize her. The cop warns them about a killer who has been murdering women on this highway. Of course, Bruce is the guy. He shoots and kills the cop. The women manage to drive off. But Bruce catches up with them in the cop’s car and rear ends their car into a truck. They’re knocked unconscious and he kills the other driver. Brooke wakes up with a gun to her head and Donna tied to the back of the truck. Bruce gives her the choices of driving off and dragging her friend to her death or getting shot in the face. Is there a third option? A quick-thinking Brooke manages to get the upper hand, saving herself and Donna. They tie Bruce to a pole and cut his thumbs off. Eww, but deserved. Now it’s time to set off to Redwood. Watch out Margaret.

  Ghost Mommy Dearest

  Jingles shows up at camp and is promptly ambushed by the counselor ghosts. Nobody is happy to see him. Well, he did murder a large portion of the group. Montana, head bitch-ghost in charge, fills him in on what happened after they died. Their plan is to kill everyone at the festival in hopes of luring a ghostbuster to the camp who can figure out a way to get them out of purgatory. Seriously? That’s a stretch. They mention that there’s another ghost at camp. A lady in a white nightgown who terrorizes them. Jingles realizes that it’s his mother. He tells them about what happened to his brother in 1948. Afterwards, his mother butchered all of the counselors (Mrs. Voorhies-style) who let her son die. She tried to get Jingles too, but he accidently killed her instead. All of her blood and rage seeped into the ground. Back in the present day, Jingles speculates that this has caused the purgatory effect. He heads off to the cottage to confront his mother. Side note, they’re definitely channeling the 1988 horror classic Lady in White in this episode. That movie creeped me out as a kid. Anyways, Mama Jingles tells her son that she’s trapped at camp like the others. She’s still blames him for Bobby’s accident. The wrong son died. Ouch, mom. Furthermore, after seeing Jingles with Margaret back in 1970, she encouraged the nutty counselor to go on that killing spree. She really made her son’s life hell. And Christina Crawford thought she had it bad.  

  Too shy shy

  Meanwhile, Margaret is surveying the camp grounds with Trevor and her assistant, Courtney. I appreciated that this episode had less of her. Trevor sees Montana and follows her into the woods for a ghostly makeout session. Meanwhile, Kojagoogoo has arrived to play at the festival. Too bad for them, Raimrez also shows up. It turns out the group sold their souls to Satan in order to achieve fame. So that’s why “Too Shy” was so popular. The Night Stalker is here to collect on their promise. He slaughters Kojagoogoo! So that’s why they never had another hit. Down at the lake, Jingles is getting ready for his showdown with Ramirez. His mother appears. They have a temporary thaw when he tells her about his son and how he named him after Bobby. Ghost mom warns him that if Ramirez kills him, he’ll stay dead. But if Jingles offs himself, he’ll come back. Then he can take down the Night Stalker and protect his son. Jingles makes the sacrifice and stabs himself in the stomach. That made me a little sad. His ghost returns, ready to take on Ramirez.

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• AHS 1984 Recap…Episode 100

  Posted at 8:14 am by Geoff, on October 24, 2019

  

  This week’s show was the 100^th episode of AHS. It’s interesting to see how this series has evolved over the years. My favorite season was Asylum. Jessica Lange plays a great mean singing nun. The jury is still out on where 1984 will rate on the list, but this episode was pretty good at least.   

  Videoshack

  We’re in 1985…wait that’s not the show I signed up for. Anyways, Nightstalker and Jingles are still hanging out and killing people. Well, just Nightstalker. Jingles is sick of him and his murderous ways. When he gets a chance, he tips off a community to his psycho travel companion. They catch Nightstalker and beat the crap out of him as Jingles rides off into the sunset. Cut to 1989 and Jingles has moved to Juno, Alaska to start over. He has a wife, kid, and a job at a video store. Sounds like a nice quaint life. He’s gotten over what happened at Redwood and has finally found happiness. Since this is AHS, his good fortune is short-lived. Nightstalker finds him (I’m sure Satan helped) and kills his wife. A devastated Jingles leaves his son in the care of his wife’s sister and heads back to Redwood to take on his old enemy.

  Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

  In 1989, Margaret has made a fortune off of buying properties associated with serial killers and turning them into tourist traps. They mention Briarcliff, a nod to Asylum. Oh, and Trevor is her husband. No, he’s not another ghost. It turns out he survived Margaret stabbing him. When he woke up from his coma, he blackmailed her into being his sugar mama. She did him one better and married him, so he couldn’t testify against her. Four years later and he’s sick of her. Join the club. The only bright spot is Leslie Jordan playing her assistant. I love his brand of kookiness.

  Back to camp

  Years after being killed, Montana, Xavier, and Ray are still stuck in Camp Purgatory. They’re joined by the ghosts of the counselors from the 1970 massacre. Purgatory is crowded. Xavier and Montana enjoy killing hapless campers who stumble upon Redwood. Ray normally cleans up after them, but finally gets fed up after they butcher two new people. The bodies are discovered, bringing media attention to the camp. Margaret seizes on the opportunity and decides to have a musical festival at the camp. Like a bloody Coachella. While giving a press conference, Chet (forgot about him) and Montana watch from the bushes. They’re itching to take down Margret. Again, join the club.

  On death row

  Brooke has the worst luck in the 1989 flashforward. She’s been sentenced to death for the camp massacre and is set to be executed at San Quentin. On death row, she encounters Nightstalker who tries to get her to come to the dark side. He says Satan will save her. She tells him to fuckoff. Nice. On the day of her execution, Margaret and Trevor are in the gallery watching. Brooke correctly assumes Margaret is there and tells her that she’ll burn in hell for what she did. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, thru the power of Satan, Nightstalker possess a guard and breaks out. And head to Juno. Back in the execution chamber, Brooke is given a lethal injection and pronounced dead. Or so we think. Her body is wheeled off to the morgue by the executioner and she’s given a drug to revive her. The injection must of have just been a sedative. And it turns out the executioner is Donna/Rita. Surprise, bitch!

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• AHS 1984 Recap…Red Dawn

  Posted at 8:07 am by Geoff, on October 17, 2019

  

  Things got whacky this week at camp. Revelations, confessions, and sexual situations. And, of course, stabbings.

  Papa was a serial killer

  We get a Donna flashback at the top of the show. Back in 1980, she discovered that her father was a psychotic killer who butchered women. There’s too much disembowelment on this show. She begged him to stop. but he killed himself instead. This led her to studying serial killers. Daddy issues. Back in the present, freshly reborn Richard explains to Donna that Satan brought him back to life. I was right! Again! He also tells her that she has the same darkness inside that her father possessed. A vision of her father pops up to confirm this. Donna refuses to believe it. Fight the evil, girl.

  Ghost Sex

  Xavier is still losing his shit about not escaping Redwood, so Margaret knocks him out. The group takes him back to a cabin to hide out. Margaret claims she saw a couple of campers across the lake. She convinces Chet take a canoe ride over there with her and look for help. Of course, it’s a lie. She beats the crap out of him, cuts off his ear, and tosses him overboard. That crazy bitch. Meanwhile, Brooke spots Ray wandering around outside. What? Didn’t he get his head chopped off last week? She runs outside and catches up with him. He’s disoriented and doesn’t remember what happened to him. They hear Jingles coming and seek shelter in the dining hall. After having a nice heart-to-heart talk Brooke and Ray decide to hookup since they probably won’t make it through the night. Solid reasoning. Later, Brooke reveals that Ray was her first. Then the no-longer-virginal-maybe-final girl finds Ray’s severed head in the dining hall fridge. Oh, that’s where that went. She freaks out and runs off. Eh, I would have taken my chances with the ghost who just popped my cherry rather than go outside.

  I’ll never be on the cover of TV Guide!

  Donna runs into the cabin, finding Montana and Xavier. She confesses that she helped Jingles escape. Xavier blames her for his oven-roasted face and tries to kill her. She runs, he follows. While hiding, Donna encounters Jingles who tells her that Margaret is the real killer. He never took any lives, outside of his Vietnam War days, until tonight. Donna feels guilty and wants Jingles to kill her, but he denies her request. He only wants to take out Margaret. He finds her at the archery area and nearly succeeds. Too bad Xavier decides to play hero and shoot Jingles full of arrows, killing him. Margaret thanks Xavier by gutting hm. After she leaves, Ramirez appears. Jingles comes back to life and the Night Stalker asks him if he’s ready to accept Satan as his savior. I’m thinking he’ll say yes to the Devil.

  Sunrise

  Montana tells Brooke that her psycho fiancée was her brother. And then she tries to strangle her. Brooke can’t catch a break. Running and catfighting ensue. Brooke manages to get the best of Montana and stabs the hell out of her, just as the bus with the little campers pulls up. Oh, hey, kids. Cut to the cops and EMTs showing up at camp. Brooke is hauled off in handcuffs. Margaret pops up, after stabbing herself, and claims that Brooke attacked everyone. I’m so sick of her. An EMT attempts to help Ray. He’s put in an ambulance and taken away. But then we see him back at camp. He can’t leave. The ghost hiker shows up and tells Ray this is home now. At the same time, ghost Montana pops up and shoots one of the cops. She has no qualms about killing people now that she’s dead. Oh, and it seems Camp Redwood is purgatory and they’re all stuck here. Fun. Meanwhile, Richard and Jingles have stolen a cop car and are able to ride out of camp. Like a batshit crazy murderous Thelma and Louise. I wonder how they’re able to leave Redwood.

  

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• AHS 1984 Recap…True Killers

  Posted at 8:17 am by Geoff, on October 10, 2019

  

  This episode was a mixed bag of good, bad, and gross. Typical.

  I was right!

  Last week I threw out a theory that Montana was Brooke’s former fiancée’s sister. And it turned out to be true! Not so random after all. We find out that Montana met Richard Ramirez while she was teaching a Midnight Manrobics (an actual thing) class. He revealed his crazy colors when he killed a class member who disagreed with Montana’s music choice. Don’t mess with Billy Idol. She enlisted Ramirez in killing Brooke, in order to avenge her brother. Unfortunately for them, Brooke kept evading death. Dumb luck.

  That’s disgusting

  Xavier arrives at the dining hall to warn Chef Bertie about Jingles. Unfortunately, the camp killer shows up before they can escape. Xavier hides while a calm, yet freaked out, Bertie engages Jingles. She even makes his favorite PBJ sandwich, just like when they were coworkers at the camp. Stupid Xavier makes a noise and is discovered by Jingles. Bertie tries to help and is beaten down with a mallet. Then Jingles tosses Xavier in the oven and locks him in. We have to watch him melt under the heat and it’s as gross as it sounds. Luckily, Bertie is able to get him out. But, she’s near death from Jingles’ beating. She makes Xavier stab her in the heart to end her suffering. Poor Bertie. Xavier is horrified when he sees his reflection. That oven did a number on him. Later, when he runs into Jingles he hopes for death, but the killer spares him. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

  The real killer

  The truth about Jingles came out when he comes after Margaret. She fills him in on what actually happened back in 1970. It turns out, she tried to get Jingles to murder the other counselors who were bullying her. What’s with these women asking for murderous favors. When Jingles didn’t come thru, psycho Margaret took matters into her own hands and went on a gleeful killing spree. Then she framed Jingles for the crimes. He proclaimed his innocence, but was hauled off to the asylum anyways. Then he was given electroshock therapy that wiped his memory. So, when everyone told him he killed half the camp, he believed them. Back in the present, Jingles is floored by this revelation. When he tries to kill Margaret (again) she shoots him three times. She assumes he’s dead, but then he disappears when her back is turned. Doesn’t anyone check for a pulse? Later, Trevor shows up and Margaret stabs him to death. She intends to frame Jingles again. She tosses Trevor’s body in a car (the last working vehicle and way out of this hell hole) and lights it on fire. She claims God has given her the power to accept her true killer self. I knew this bitch was crazy, but I didn’t realize how crazy.

  Caught between two killers

  After escaping the shack where Donna was keeping her captive, Brooke falls into a trap set by the nutty psychologist. Donna explains how she broke Jingles out of the asylum so she could study him and now Brooke is her lab rat. Donna hides and waits for the killer to arrive. But Ramirez (tipped off by Montana) shows up instead. Before he can kill Brooke, Jingles arrives. It’s a serial killer showdown. Almost as entertaining as Freddy vs. Jason. Jingles triumphs when he impales Ramirez on a tree branch, headfirst. Eww. Meanwhile, Montana discovers Donna and they get into a Dynasty-style catfight. It would have been better in a lily pond. Montana knocks the psychologist out and takes off. Donna wakes up in time see Richard being magically resurrected. I’m guessing this is Satan’s work. After this week’s reveals, it doesn’t sound so farfetched.

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• AHS 1984 Recap…Slashdance

  Posted at 8:45 pm by Geoff, on October 3, 2019

  

  After last week’s episode, I had almost given up on AHS 1984. It sucked that badly. I was going to let episode 3 hang out on my DVR, but there was nothing better to watch last night. Surprisingly, I liked the show again. So, I’ll give it another shot and throw out some thoughts here.

  Nurse who?

  It turns out Rita isn’t who she claims to be. She’s actually Donna Chambers (total porn star name), a psychologist who conned her away into the asylum so she could meet Jingles. She got through to the normally unresponsive killer by explaining that she didn’t think he was evil and that she could cure him. So, Donna breaks him out of the loony bin, points him in the direction of Camp Redwood, and lets him slaughter everyone so she can study him. What kinda crazy therapy is that? This explains how she was able to “escape” from Jingles earlier. Also, this plan won’t bite her in the ass or anything.

  Ray is a tool and a coward

  Ray proves to be a complete coward. He wants to cut his losses (his fellow Redwood staff members) and run from Ramirez. Luckily, Chet is kinder and saves him from the Night Stalker. Ray repays him by leaving Chet behind after the former Olympian is impaled on a spike in a ditch. Great guy. We also hear Ray’s backstory from his fraternity days. After a pledge fell down a flight of stairs, Ray assumed he was dead and decided to cover up the accident to protect his brothers. Naturally, the pledge was alive. Check for a pulse, stupid! But he only discovered that as he was sending the kid over a cliff in a car. Yikes. Back at Redwood, Ray runs away, again, leaving Montana alone with Ramirez. As he’s making his escape, Jingles jumps out of the bushes and chops his head off, mid-motorcycle ride. The douche had it coming.

  Less is more

  Thankfully there was less screen time for the lame characters this week. For some reason, Rita/Donna drugged Brooke and dragged her off. Bye, final girl. Chet was stuck being impaled most of the episode. Is it bad I was hoping he’d die? Gus Kenworthy is a horrible actor. And Camp Redwood owner, Margaret, didn’t even make an appearance. An hour free of her Christian ranting was welcomed.

  Twist at the end

  Right when you think Richard Ramirez was going to mangle Montana, they actually started kissing. Wtf? Then she said, “Why haven’t you killed her already?” Could she be talking about Brooke? My guess is that she has a connection to our dumb heroine. Wild guess: Montana is the sister of Brooke’s psycho fiancée and she blames her for her brother’s death. It’s wacky but not completely out there given what show we’re watching.

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• AHS 1984 Recap…Camp Redwood

  Posted at 11:08 pm by Geoff, on September 19, 2019

  

  It’s time for another season of American Horror Story. This time creator Ryan Murphy is paying homage to 1980s slasher movies. Think Friday the 13^th Parts 1 through infinity. I always look forward to a new season of AHS and slasher movies are one of my favorite genres. So, this should be interesting…until it isn’t. This a Ryan Murphy show after all. In any event, these are my thoughts on episode one.

  1. Mr. Jingles is scary as hell

  A slasher movie (or tv show) is only as good as it’s killer and 1984 has gnarly one with Benjamin Richter aka Mr. Jingles. We learn that he was a Vietnam vet that REALLY liked killing the enemy. So much so that he went back for a second tour. His favorite thing was collecting the ears from his kills and making a necklace out of them. Eww. This led to a dishonorable discharge. Post-Vietnam, Richter got a job at Camp Redwood. They called him Mr. Jingles because of the jingling keys he always had on his hip. One summer night in 1970 he snapped, killing 9 counselors/campers and cutting off their ears. He was caught and sentenced to a mental institution. Cut to 1984 with Jingles busting out of the asylum and heading back to a newly reopened Redwood. He murders a few people on his way, naturally, and terrorizes poor Brooke (more on her in a bit). This man is a walking nightmare.

  2. The cast is pretty likeable

  Normally you don’t care who gets chopped up in a horror film. But in this case, I actually like a majority of the characters and hope they make it. They won’t of course. Good girl (and probable final girl) Brooke is the center of the group. She’s virginal, sweet, and demure. So many layers of clothing, even in summer. She’s not so bright though. Leaving your window open while you sleep so a crazed killer (the AHS rendition of the very real Night Stalker) can break in. Traipsing around the woods on a dark rainy night. Stay inside with the others! And after nearly being killed by Mr. Jingles she still goes outside by herself to answer a ringing pay phone. Geez. I have a feeling I’ll constantly be saying, “Oh, girl” or “Don’t do that, girl”, or “Run faster, girl!” a lot with Brooke. Hopefully she gets stronger and wiser over the course of the season. The rest of the counselors include: Xavier the aerobics instructor/aspiring actor. Montana, the bad ass chick. Nice muscle guy, Ray. And hothead muscle guy/former Olympic team member, Chet. Then there are the other employees: smart no nonsense Nurse Rita, grizzled Chef Bertie, and activities director Trevor. Special attention must be paid to Trevor’s junk. He has a huge wang that is showcased in very tiny 80s shorts. Basically, his schtick is his schlong. Lastly, there’s camp owner Margaret Booth. She survived the 1970 massacre (minus a left ear) because of Jesus (her words). I can tell her strict religious nature is gonna get old. I might not mind if she’s offed.  

  3. The nods to other scary movies are fun

  I enjoy a good homage and 1984 has plenty. Obviously, this entire show is a callback to Friday the 13^th. The 80s, a maniac on the loose, chase scenes in the woods, and horny counselors. You expect Jason to pop up at any moment. That’s his thing after all. There’s also a nod to Halloween. When Jingles breaks out of the nut house, he opens the cells of the other patients. They’re roaming the lawns just like in the beginning of the original Halloween. Then there’s the gas station attendant who warns the kids from going up to Redwood. Pretty standard to have an all-knowing townie. Here’s something, if you live in a town where scary shit went down wouldn’t you move away? Heed your own warning, gas guy. And similar to Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the gang picks up a freaky guy on the side of the road. In this case, after they mow him down.

  4. All the mysteries

  Who left the threatening message on Xavier’s answering machine? What was that phone call about at the end? Who was watching from the van as Montana and Trevor “splashed around” in the lake? What happened to the hiker’s body? How did the Night Stalker find Brooke? Why ears? Again, ewww. So many questions that I’m looking forward to getting answered.

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• BH90210 Recap…The Long Wait #BH90210 #RenewBH90210

  Posted at 5:17 pm by Geoff, on September 12, 2019

  

  We’ve come to the end of the road. Like a sad Boyz II Men song. It’s time to wrap up everything for the last episode. Fingers crossed that there’s more in the future. 

  The cast has gathered at the Peach Pit for the reboot wrap party. Everyone’s surprised that they actually finished the pilot. Now they just have to wait…and wait for news about a pickup. Unfortunately, The O.C. made their own reboot that’s vying for a slot on Fox’s schedule. To be honest, I never got into that show. Orange County can’t compete with Beverly Hills. Just look at their Real Housewives.

  Meanwhile, Jennie is getting attitude, again, from her teenage daughter. Oh joy, she’s in this episode. Much to her annoyance, Kyler idolizes Shannen. Who wouldn’t? Brian fills her in on Jennie and Shannen’s frenemy years. This includes the red dress story. Side note, that was a real thing. At the 90210 season three cast photo shoot, Jennie, Shannen, and Tori all wanted to wear a red dress (see photo above). It was a bloodbath. Well, not literally.

  Shay confesses to Brian that she had her private investigator run a DNA test on Zach. Brian, you are not the father! He’s more upset about Shay doing this behind his back than he is about the truth. He accuses her of hating Zach from the start because the relationship wasn’t about her and she couldn’t control it.  LaLa’s acting is atrocious throughout these scenes, as usual. On a similar note, Tori and her husband, Nate, continue to fight about the reboot. He finally admits that he’s jealous because the focus is on her while his career is flagging. Such a whiner. Tori and Brian commiserate over their horrible spouses and wonder if they would have been better off marrying other people. Just get together already!

  Jennie breaks up with Wyatt after he reveals that he got her initials tattooed on his chest. Oh no, bodyguard. In the Caribbean, Jason tries to make a vacation work with Camille. She forces him to admit that he can’t accept raising another man’s baby. They amicably call it quits. This opens the door for a Jennie/Jason “reboot”. Again, just get together already!!

  After an awkward run between Christine and her husband, Phil, Gabrielle comes clean to him about the hookup. He’d already guessed. That lesbionic tension was obvious. Gabrielle promises that she won’t keep him waiting indefinitely while she figures out what she wants. Meanwhile, Ian and Anna are in a NSA relationship, but he wants more. She tells him she’s not feeling that, especially since her mom is an actor. She can’t date one too. This prompts Ian to hookup with Denise Richards (a real original 90210 guest star). Later, it’s revealed that Denise is Anna’s mother. Ian’s appeal truly is multi-generational.

  While waiting for the pilot news, the gang manages to get their hands on the feedback from the test audiences who have seen it. These people are not kind. Everyone gets trashed, sending the cast into a tailspin. My favorite comments are from the viewers who thought Brenda and Brandon had inappropriate sibling chemistry. Just like the old days. And the audience members who wanted Brenda to be a troublemaker. No, that was Kelly. “Kelly was a slut!” (Shannen’s words, not mine)

  The cast hustles at the Peach Pit Pop-Up, meeting fans and signing autographs. Side note, this was a real thing in LA recently and I’m still sad that I couldn’t go. No megaburgers for me. Shannen shows up late, covered in blood, because she had to rescue a possum that had been hit by a car. Is there any animal she won’t save? Christine informs them that there’s only one slot left on Fox’s schedule. It’s between 90210 and The O.C. The latter tested higher. Damn you, Mischa Barton. They’ll find out tomorrow which one gets picked up.

  Brian throws a BBQ at his place so everyone can get drunk while they wait for news. Zach shows up and Brian confronts him about the paternity results. Zach had no clue. His mother always told him that Brian was his dad. Brian assures him that, despite the results, he’ll still be in his life. Later, Brian also reports back to Jason about the paternity drama. He shows him a picture that Zach has of his mom with Brian, back in the 90s. Jason remarks that she looks familiar. And who happens to be in the background of the pic? Jason. He has a flash and seems to be putting something together. Jason, you are the father! Maybe.

  The gang learns that the pilot has been picked up. Suck it, O.C. They fly to NY for the network upfronts. Hilariously, Jennie, Shannen, and Tori all arrive to the presentation wearing red dresses. Bloodbath, part deux. On top of that, Christine has more news: they have to redo the pilot, Anna is fired, they need new guest stars (sorry, Kyler), the series will shoot in Canada, and the network can’t afford to bring all seven cast members back. Yikes. Despite these bombshells, the cast has to walk out on stage and meet the press. They put smiles on their faces, hold hands, and march out. Well at least they’re together for now. The end…or is it???#RenewBH90210

  Other 9021Notes

  The lame spouses and kids really brought the episode to a screeching halt every time they popped up. Nobody wants to see these fools.

  Ian’s dream about 2019 Steve Sanders going back to the future to impart wisdom to his 1990s counterpart was funny. Stay away from mullets and midriff shirts, Sanders.

  Shannen’s dream about Brenda and Brandon having a “flowers in the Casa Walsh attic” moment was pretty great too.

  That was a good use of Weezer’s “Beverly Hills” at the upfronts.

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• BH90210 Recap…Picture’s Up #BH90210

  Posted at 8:16 am by Geoff, on September 5, 2019

  

  I have to say that this was the best episode of the series. Everything gelled together to make a really fun show.

  The first day of filming the reboot has arrived. Shannen, Jennie, Tori, and Gabrielle are getting ready in the hair/makeup trailer. It’s an amusing scene where they discuss aging, the old days, and men. Tori is worried about doing a love scene with Brian. All those old feelings are coming back and now she has to be nearly naked with him and act like she’s enjoying it. Not a lot of acting required actually. Unfortunately, Christine informs the cast that they’re shutting down production because of the stalker situation. Torching the sets in the last episode really made an impact. The gang decides to go all Scooby-Doo and investigate. They try to figure out who hates them the most and would want to stop the reboot. It’s a long list.

  After taking a tumble down a flight of steps, Tori has an epiphany. Makes sense. She gathers up the group for a fieldtrip to a dive bar where the main act is none other than Jamie Walters. A refresher: Jamie played Donna’s abusive boyfriend, Ray Pruit (his mama could only afford one T), on the original 90210. Tori’s Showgirls-like fall earlier reminded her of how Ray threw Donna down a flight of stairs. Jamie’s career was ruined because the fans hated his character. The cast accuses him of stalking them for revenge. He denies it. A TV news story informs then that the real stalker has been caught. He was the creepy fan from episode two. Sorry, Jamie. To make amends they all sing his one hit, “How Do You Talk to an Angel”. Ah, the sweet sounds of my 90s adolescence.

  Back on set, Tori is faced with the Brian love scene. The first attempt goes badly because she’s so nervous and insecure. Attempt two fails because of a meddling intimacy coordinator on set. Yes, that’s a real job. They finally get it right with try number three. But Brian also gets an erection, much to his embarrassment and Tori’s secret delight. 9021Ohhhh

  Brian spent the rest of the episode adjusting to Zach’s revelation that he’s his son. He hasn’t told anyone, except Shannen, about it. Zach is a little hurt about the secrecy. Brian tries to smooth things over by getting him a job as a PA on the show. Things turn awkward after he suggests Zach call him “dad”. Oh no, BAG. Shannen advises Brian get to know Zach and take it slow. Later, when Jason snaps at Zach, Brian defend his son. They’re good again and by the end of the episode Brian has told everyone about his new kid.

  In her trailer, Jennie fools around with Wyatt the bodyguard. He still hasn’t been reassigned, but he’s ignoring his “no banging the client” rule. Jennie is smitten and even pretends to like sports because he’s into them. It’s all too cute, so it will probably end soon.

  Meanwhile, Christine and Gabrielle rehash their hookup. I guess they did more than just make out last week. Because of an HR crackdown, Christine asks Gabrielle to sign a consensual relationship consent form. It’s very 2019. Gabrielle isn’t ready to declare their relationship and this new turn in her sexuality. But later she’s ready to tell the cast that she’s with a woman, leaving out the Christine detail of course. Similarly, Ian and Anna are getting closer. They even arrange to “Netflix and chill”. How 2017. Before things get too heavy, Anna asks Ian to sign a consent form too. Did a HR director write this episode?

  Nothing is actually getting shot because director Jason is too distracted by his drama with Camille and the baby. He’s pissing off the entire cast and crew. Jennie tells him to work out his crap and stop taking it out on the everyone else. Jason gets back on track, but when Camille calls from an ambulance, he has to run off set. Will this reboot ever get made?

  Other 9021Notes

  I hoped for a better story for Shannen last week and it happened. She was hilarious in this episode. Always throwing out a zinger. Not recognizing Jamie because he appeared on the show after she left. Ray who? Asking Siri how many seasons there were of the original show. That would be ten, Shan. Randomly eating something whenever they cut to her. And, “rescuing” Tori’s wandering pets. She stole every scene she was in. Definitely the MVP of the week.

  The dream sequences continue to be wonderfully ridiculous. This week had Brian, as David, performing at the Peach Pit After Dark with Shannen, Jennie, and Tori (in their season 2 “Addicted to Love” inspired back up dancer outfits) accompanying him. Big points for having him take off his shirt. Nice V, BAG.

  A random dude snagged Zach’s used water bottle, presumedly to do a DNA test. I’m glad someone thought of that since Brian is too damn trusting.

  Jennie reassuring Tori that her sex scene with Brian would be fine because it’s not real, like her boobs (complete with her bouncing Tori’s implants), made me guffaw. 

  The stalker reveal seems too easy. It has to be a red herring…like on a Scooby-Doo episode.

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• BH90210 Recap…The Table Read

  Posted at 1:27 pm by Geoff, on August 29, 2019

  

  We’ve reached the halfway point of this “event series”. I’m sad that its gone by so quickly, but happy that it happened at all. That sounds like a yearbook quote.

  The episode opens with Gabrielle and Christine having lunch. Gabrielle assumed it was a date and is mortified when Christine tells her otherwise. She’s new at this dating stuff. Or non-dating, as the case may be.

  Meanwhile, someone has leaked Shay‘s unfinished pre-autotuned song on social media. Her singing matches her acting abilities. She jumps to the conclusion that Zach (cute assistant/stalker guy) did it. Her private investigator later reveals that Shay’s stylist is the culprit. But, he investigated Zach too and found his stalker wall. Really shouldn’t leave that out in the open. Brian confronts him. In the least surprising moment of the night (and the series), Zach blurts out that he’s BAG’s son. Who didn’t see that coming?!

  Jennie and her hot-bodied bodyguard, Wyatt, continue to flirt. Unfortunately, the stalker hasn’t popped up in awhile so Fox is having Wyatt reassigned. But then someone sticks a knife in Jennie’s tire. Is it the stalker? No, it’s her stupidly-named daughter, Kyler. She wanted Wyatt to stick around to make her mom happy. But, he can’t date a client. Jennie has him reassigned, choosing a hookup over her own personal safety.

  The day of the table read has come. Everyone except Shannen attends. She’s still negotiating her deal with the network. Turns out she’s not missing much since the script sucks. Anna really got it wrong and the cast revolts. That night they gather for the reboot’s launch party and bash her writing again. Anna storms off. Christine warns the cast that without a writer, they’ll have nothing to shoot tomorrow. They decide to fix the script themselves. Because writing is so easy. As usual with this crew, fighting (and making up) ensues. Ian, who has been clashing with Anna the whole episode, secretly records it all and sends her the video. He gets in her good graces while giving her inspiration for rewriting the reboot.

  In the midst of this, Shannen arrives. But she’s freaked out by all the negative energy (she’s annoyingly New Age) and runs away. She’s reconsidering doing the reboot altogether. Tori reports back to Christine, who reveals that Shannen is making twice as much as everyone else for the reboot. Wonder if that was true in real life? Tori tells the rest of the gang and they confront her. She manipulates them into forgiving her by telling them that her salary is going to orphans. Uh, sure, Shan.

  Elsewhere, Gabrielle and Christine share a sweet moment. They almost kiss, but Gabrielle is buzzed and doesn’t want it to be like this. Later on, she loosens up and goes for a full on makeout session. Maybe she’s getting the hang of this girl-on-girl thing.

  Once again Tori is dealing with her stupid husband. First, she tries to take out any David/Donna love scenes so as not to upset him. But then she’s the one upset when he prefers hanging out with Shay over her. Luckily, Brian gives her a pep talk. By the end of the episode, Tori is confessing to Jennie that she has feelings for Brian. You and all the “Silver Daddy” fans, girl. 

  Anna returns with a better script that everyone loves. Good work, Ian. The next day, on the lot, the cast discovers that someone has painted “stop acting like I’m not here” on the stage door. And the set is on fire. Cue the “reboot has gone up in flames” jokes.

  Other 9021Notes

  I liked that this was a Gabrielle-centric episode, with her hilarious nightmare about being back on the show in full Andrea garb. Those 90s vests! And her touching speech about feeling like she didn’t fit in with the others back in the day because she was the oldest. She’s getting better stories here than she ever did on the original 902010.

  Kyler auditioned to play Jennie’s daughter in the reboot, but she can’t act. Then she whined about getting a smaller consolation part. Riveting. Are we supposed to hate all the wives and children on this show?

  I’m not down with this New Age version of Shannen. Hopefully there’s a better story for her in the last two episodes. I did like her nod to Brenda’s horrible French accent from season three of the show. Exactement!

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• BH90210 Recap…The Photo Shoot

  Posted at 11:16 am by Geoff, on August 22, 2019

  

  Things are progressing well with the reboot in episode three, but the gang’s personal lives are still a mess.

  Jason confronts Camille about the baby and how he couldn’t possibly be the father due to his fertility issues. She admits to getting drunk and making a mistake. Sounds familiar. But he can’t forgive her. A wee bit hypocritical, Jason.

  Meanwhile, Tori is inspired by seeing the iconic 90210 cast poster at Fox. You know, the one where they’re laying together intertwined. You know, the one at the top of this recap. Why didn’t I ever buy a copy back in the day? Anyways, the cast gathers together to recreate it. Ian rolls in hung over. He’s been spiraling ever since his marriage broke up. In an awkward moment, he kinda hits on Anna, a writer on the reboot. So much #MeToo. Nearby, Jason realizes that the show’s head writer, Carlisle, is Camille’s one-night stand/baby daddy. They argue. Ian intervenes and punches Carlisle. Equipment flies, the set goes up in flames, and the shoot is over.

  This all leads to a much-needed group therapy session. Ironically, the therapist is Carol Potter, aka Mrs. Walsh. Well, she always did give great fictional advice. Naturally, therapy turns into another big fight and a rehash of old issues. This is one dysfunctional “family”. It comes out that Jennie and Jason slept together. Chaos ensues and everyone storms out. Carol needs to work on her technique.

  The mutilated dolls from the last episode (still creepy) lead to Jennie getting a bodyguard. He’s as cute as a 90s Kevin Costner. There’s a bit of a flirtation, but Jennie is still focused on Jason. She tells Tori that she has feelings for him. She hates him! She loves him! Confusing! But she also encourages him to forgive Camille. Jason listens and they reunite. We’ll see how long that lasts.

  Gabrielle’s husband (Does he even have a name? Do I care to learn it?) isn’t too happy to hear about her not-so-new interest in women. But Christine, an out lesbian, is quite supportive. She urges Gabrielle to get out there and explore. By the end of the episode, she asks Gabrielle out on a date. Should a network executive really be involved with the talent, especially at Fox?

  Brian hires Zach, aka hot stalker guy, as his assistant. Shay dislikes him from the get go. That all changes when one of their kids gets out of the house and Zach saves the day. He even covers for Shay and takes the blame for the incident. Brian, impressed, gives Zach a key to the house. That won’t bite him in the ass or anything.

  Tori has her hands full being a wife/mom/producer. Her lame husband doesn’t like her new job. Plus, he’s threatened by her past with Brian. Such a man-baby. She also has to contend with the Jason/Carlisle drama. Jason refuses to work with him, so Christine orders Tori to put on her big girl panties (her words, not mine) and fire the writer. Carlisle takes it well. Suspiciously well. Then she is tasked with getting an off the grid Shannen to sign on to the reboot. Cut to Tori hilariously scaling a mountain in Peru to get to her former co-star. After some begging, Shannen agrees to go back to LA, just in time for the photo shoot. It’s great seeing the seven of them together. Like it was 1991 again. I gotta search Amazon for that old poster.

  Other 9021Notes

  The mutilated dolls don’t seem to be a big concern for the cast. Really? This is normal?

  Anna gets promoted to head writer. Good luck with that, Ian.

  I gotta say LaLa Anthony is a horrible actress. Like, Models Inc. bad.

  Did they really need a storyboard for the photo shoot? Was it that complicated?

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