I saw this meme earlier today and rolled my eyes. What a load of crap. How is that Rue McClanahan (aka Blanche Devereaux) at 50 is somehow less desirable than JLo at the same age? Rue was a vibrant beautiful woman at the time. She also helped to change the perception, in the 80s, that women of a certain age weren’t sexy or sexual. She effortlessly made 50 fabulous. Plus, she did it without having to get on a pole.
Richard Gere has coincidently starred in two iconic movies that centered around prostitutes in LA. American Gigolo came out in 1980 followed by Pretty Woman ten years later in 1990. Until recently when I re-watched both I didn’t stop to think about the parallels between the two. Or how they both feature Hector Elizondo. Let’s compare and contrast for their anniversaries.
Story
American Gigolo tells the story of Julian Kaye, a high-class male escort. He’s refined, elegant, classy, wears designer suits, and speaks multiple languages. His clients, wealthy older women, continually seek out his services. Things are going well for Julian until he is set up with a bad trick. That woman ends up dead not long after their encounter and her murder is pinned on him. In the midst of all this he meets Michelle (Lauren Hutton), a rich politician’s wife. They fall for each other as he attempts to clear his name.
Pretty Woman finds Gere playing Edward Lewis a powerful corporate raider that happens upon Vivian (Julia Roberts), a prostitute, one night on Hollywood Blvd. They have an instant connection and he hires her as his escort for the week. Rough around the edges Vivian is out of place in his high society world. Despite their differences, though, they grow closer and take their relationship beyond a business arrangement.
Love
Romance takes a back seat to the mystery in Gigolo. It makes sense. This is a thriller, not a love story. But, the relationship between Julian and Michelle could have been developed more. They meet, chat for a few minutes, and instantly she’s obsessed with him. At one point she stalks him through the streets of Westwood. It’s unclear why she is so drawn to him, aside from his looks and charm. We never know her motivations because her character is so paper thin. She exists primarily to prop up Julian. After he gets framed, Michelle risks everything to help prove his innocence. She is the only one who cares about him, but the film doesn’t give us any reason to care about her. For his part, I think what makes her most desirable to Julian is her extreme devotion to him.
The relationship between Edward and Vivian is at the forefront of Woman. It’s actually a great story about two people falling in love. Over the course of the movie they share intimate details about themselves and get to know each other. Edward tells Vivian about his heartless father leaving his family and how that shaped him as a person. She responds by letting him in on her rocky upbringing. They feel comfortable being vulnerable with one another. There’s also the romantic dates and beautiful love scenes. At one point, Vivian breaks her rule about not kissing a client on the mouth because by that point Edward is no longer just another number.
Interestingly, in both movies Gere’s characters think they don’t need love or are incapable of maintaining a real relationship. Julian sees women as transactions. He’s not looking for any attachments until Michelle comes along and changes his thinking. But he pushes her away after he’s arrested for murder, telling her he’s not worth ruining her life. He doesn’t want to drag her down. She ignores him and stays by his side, proving to him that he is worthy. Similarly, because of his past family drama Edward doesn’t make room in his life for love. In the opening scene of the film his girlfriend dumps him because he won’t make her a priority in his life. He nearly ruins things with Vivian too. When she tells him that she loves him, he doesn’t share how he really feels. Instead he offers to make her a kept woman, as if money is what she wants. He finally gets a clue at the end of the movie and shows Vivian how much he loves her.
Supporting Players
As mentioned earlier, Hector Elizondo is a prominent player in both films. In Gigolo he’s Detective Sunday, the cop overseeing the murder investigation. He doggedly pursues Julian, eager to find him guilty. Woman finds him playing Barney Thompson, the manager of the Beverly Hills hotel where Edward is staying. He takes pity on Vivian when she’s shunned by the snooty Rodeo Drive sales ladies, becoming her confidant. In both instances, Elizondo brings something interesting to what could have been two ordinary roles. A dash of humor and some flair. Also, in the case of Woman, a pretty obvious toupee.
These films have some truly horrible villains. There’s Leon (Bill Duke) the vengeful pimp. Julian left him years before the movie starts and he’s been pissed ever since. Spoiler alert…Leon is the one who is framing Julian. Woman has Stuckey, played with an incredible amount of sliminess by Jason Alexander. He’s Edward’s lawyer who can’t stand it when his client wants to focus less on making money and more on love. At one point, Stuckey tries to rape Vivian. Luckily, Edward arrives and kicks his ass. He actually ends up better off than Leon who gets pushed off a balcony. He had it coming.
Also, old Hollywood star Ralph Bellamy makes his last film appearance in Woman as the owner of a company that Edward is trying to take over. It’s a small part, but not a bad way to end your career. Plus, Bellamy was probably glad he hung around long enough so that Disorderlies wasn’t his last film.
Soundtracks
Gigolo begins with Julian driving down the California coast in his Mercedes as Blondie’s “Call Me” blares from the radio. Of course, the title and lyrics are prefect for a movie about a call boy, but the track also captures the feel of the early 80s. A little bit of leftover disco with some rock sprinkled in. Pieces of “Call Me” show up in the movie’s score. Sometimes upbeat, sometimes eerie. It’s a versatile piece of music. Famed disco producer, Giorgio Moroder, composed the song and the rest of Gigolo’s soundtrack. The album went to #7 on the Billboard 200 and “Call Me” spent six weeks at #1 on the Billboard 100. I’m also a fan of the Cheryl Barnes song “Love and Passion” that plays in a disco scene. It’s a fun track.
You can’t think of Pretty Woman without hearing Roy Orbion’s classic “Oh Pretty Woman” that inspired the film’s title. Originally released in 1964, the song was launched back into the zeitgeist when the movie came out. It pops up during one of the best shopping montages in cinematic history. Not an exaggeration, I love seeing Vivian shop. The soundtrack would go on to be certified triple platinum and produce hits like Roxette’s “It Must Have Been Love”, Natalie Cole’s “Wild Women”, and Go West’s “King of Wishful Thinking”. Classic early 90s tunes.
Legacy
At the time of its release Gigolo was a novel concept. You didn’t find too many narratives about male prostitutes back them. Moreover, you didn’t often see men sexualized in the way that the film does. Director Paul Schrader celebrates Gere’s beauty in almost every scene, training the camera on his amazing face and body. This was the first mainstream movie where the male lead does full frontal nudity. And it’s not just a quick flash. So much of Gigolo is about visuals really, from the fashion to the lighting to the ornate sets. I wish there was an equal amount of substance. Yes, the film is beautiful to look at, but it often feels empty. The writing is clunky at times and the mystery, in particular, is weak. Despite these faults, Gigolo is an interesting time capsule from the early 80s.
Woman’s premise doesn’t seem like something that you could make an endearing romantic comedy out of. A fairytale love story between a prostitute and her john? That goes beyond your typical hooker with a heart of gold story. But it works. The star power from the leads, their chemistry, and a winning screenplay all come together nicely. Director Gary Marshall crafted a timeless film that holds up years later. You could come across Woman on TV (probably Bravo on a Sunday afternoon) and be just as engaged as audiences were back in 1990. The sign of a true classic.
It’s time for the finale. Oddly, this season has felt both long and short. Ryan Murphy has that effect. I’ve enjoyed 1984, though. There were some rough spots, but it held my attention. Plus, it had a great 80s soundtrack. Always a plus. Let’s see how this ends.
Bobby
Were’ in 2019 with AHS veteran Finn Wittrock. He has ventured into Redwood. Voluntarily. The camp grounds are overgrown and the stages from the 1989 music festival are still up. Montana arrives on the scene. She’s surprised to see anyone since they haven’t had visitors in years. Finn reveals that he’s Jingles’ son, Bobby, and he’s looking for his dad. Didn’t see that coming. His aunt informed him that Jingles came to Redwood to avenge his mother’s death and was never heard from again. But Bobby has been receiving anonymous checks ever since. He thinks it’s his dad. Trevor pops up and he and Montana graphically show Bobby that they’re ghosts. After he finishes freaking out, the two tell him that Jingles is dead too, but they haven’t seen him since 1989.
Ghost community
In a flashback, were at the music festival. None of the talent has shown up. No Debbie Gibson or Belinda Carlisle. Oh, that would have been a good lineup. Courtney confesses to Margaret that he told Trevor about the Kojagoogoo massacre causing him to send the concertgoers away. She reacts by shooting Courtney in the head. It really doesn’t pay to be her assistant. Margaret confronts Trevor at the camp entrance. He threatens to tell the cops about all of her evil deeds. In response, she shoots him in the crotch. Oh no, not the dick! She does this just outside of camp so he can’t come back to life. Margaret takes off as Montana shows up. She begs Trevor to crawl into camp, but he can’t make it. Luckily, Brooke happens upon them and helps Trevor get into camp. He dies and is quickly resurrected. Montana is moved by Brooke’s selfless act. She decides to be a better person. She and the other ghost folk bond together as a community. We see Trevor and a counselor trick, stab, and kick Bruce over the camp line so he won’t come back. Then all the ghosts kill Ramirez. It’s disgustingly bloody. Or bloody disgusting. In order to prevent him from being saved by Satan and leaving camp, they’ve been killing him consistently for 30 years. That’s dedication. Back in 2019, Montana and Trevor wrap up their story and order Bobby to go. Ramirez will kill him if he finds him there. Of course, Ramirez has come back to life just then and managed to avoid being slaughtered by that night’s ghost watchers. He nearly succeeds in killing Bobby, but the ghosts save the day. Montana tells Bobby to go to the asylum and look for the medical director. They’ll have answers for him.
Final Girls
At the asylum, Bobby meets the director: Donna. Yay, a black person survived! She tells Bobby that his father was innocent and Margaret was the real killer. And we’re back to 89. Donna comes after Margaret, but isn’t able to kill the bitch. Then Brooke tries to take her out, but Margaret manages to shoot her. Before she can get away again the ghost gang grabs her. In a funny, yet gory scene, Margaret is chopped up, thrown in a woodchipper, and expelled over camp lines. She had it coming. Back in 2019, Bobby remarks that Donna is the final girl. He also thinks she’s the one who has been sending him those checks over the years. But she denies it. Someone else made it out of camp. They trace the checks back to a savings & loan in Oregon. Bobby’s benefactor is actually Brooke. Eh, that was anti-climatic. Turns out she didn’t die at Redwood after all. Ray found her and got her across camp lines. Someone called an ambulance and Brooke was rescued. She wanted to move on from Redwood and start a new life, so she didn’t tell Donna she was alive. She hoped Bobby could live beyond the shadow of Redwood, thus all the checks. Did anyone else think there was more to this story? Like it was actually Satan who saved Brooke? Just me? Anyways, Brooke and Donna are both final girls. That happens sometimes…the latest Halloween. Later, Bobby tells Donna that he’s going to Redwood to find his dad. Real smart.
Final showdown
Bobby encounters Margaret on his trip back to camp. Why is she there?! Turns out she died in the woodchipper a second before her bits were launched over the camp line. She’s been hiding out from the others ever since. She promises to take Bobby to Jingles. Lies. Instead she tries to kill him. Jingles appears and kills her instead, saving Bobby. Father and son have a touching reunion. Aww. But then resurrected Margaret kills Jingles. Damn! Bobby takes off. Thankfully, Jingles’ mom pops up, kills Margaret, and has a nice moment with her grandson. The other ghosts arrive to deal with Margaret. I’m guessing she’ll get the Ramirez treatment. Montana tells Bobby to go, but to remember them and tell their ghost stories. The 80s will never die. Ok, girl. At the entrance to Redwood, Jingles, his mom, and his brother wave goodbye to Bobby as Mike + the Mechanics’ “The Living Years” plays. This had to be the sweetest ending to an AHS season ever. I was surprisingly moved.
We’ve reached the penultimate episode. This one felt scattered and too many pointless characters stole the focus. Hopefully, Ryan Murphy & Co. can wrap it up in a satisfying way next week.
Nosey reporter
We begin at a diner near camp. Brooke dreams of the future, post-killing Margaret. She may go to Australia like Crocodile Dundee. Goals. Donna tells her she’ll need all her strength if she’s going to be the Final Girl, the last woman standing, who defeats the killer, in scary movies. Brooke thinks they can both be final girls, but Donna explains that black people don’t usually survive horror movies. I hope she’s wrong this time. Their breakfast is interrupted by Stacey, a National Inquirer reporter. She’s on her way up to Redwood because she’s writing a book about Jingles & Brooke. She’s also very annoying. Brooke pretends she’s just a “Brooke-lookalike”, but Stacey isn’t fooled. Later on, she shows up at their motel room. She’s been doing research on Broke and Donna for her book. In order to keep her quiet, the twosome agree to give her material about their time at camp. She just needs to sneak them into Redwood. Donna thinks Stacey will expose them, but Brooke has a plan to kill her. Right when she’s about to cut her throat, though, Donna stops her. She reminds her fellow-maybe-final girl that she’s not evil like Margaret.
Mary Kay
Lucky for Bruce, a Mary Kay lady, driving a very pink car, found him on the highway and saved his life. But it was unlucky for her since he stole her car and killed her. She’ll never make her sales quota now. Bruce arrives at camp just in time to run down ghost Jingles, who was in the middle of a catfight (they rolled down a hill Alexis & Krystal-style) with Ramirez. Jingles ghost disappears leaving Bruce with his serial killer idol. He fans out and offers to help Ramirez find his nemesis. Meanwhile, Jingles comes back to life and encounters the hitchhiker guy from episode 1. Hitchhiker explains how he’s died more times than he can count and he loses a piece of himself each time. Jingles vows that won’t happen to him.
In memoriam
Montana and Trevor are basking in the afterglow, post-ghost-human sex. Is this Grey’s Anatomy? Trevor wants to stay at camp with her and declares his love. Seriously? As they leave the cabin, still canoodling, Margaret spots them. She’s not having the best morning since Courtney told her about the Kojagoogoo massacre. Poor Court had to dispose of the bodies. Good news: their ghosts are still around. “Too Shy” will never die. Elsewhere, Xavier takes Ramirez and Bruce to where Jingles body is buried. They figure his ghost will show up there. They’re right. Jingles appears and stabs Xavier to death. Before he can do the same to Ramirez, Margaret pops up and shoots him. That bitch. Later on, Margaret, Ramirez, and Bruce run into Stacey. She got away from Brooke, only to be murdered by this psycho trio. Margaret wants them to kill everyone else who’s coming up for the festival. Then she can turn Redwood into an 80s memoriam mecca and make money off the tourists. Again, that bitch!
Family reunion
Jingles comes back to life to again. This time he’s strung up by the vengeful counselors. He pleads with them to let him go so he can kill Ramirez. He has to save his son. He even throws it out there that Montana brought Ramirez to Redwood and really lit the serial killer spark in him. So, this mess is partly her fault. Montana surprisingly feels bad about this. She heads off into the woods where Trevor finds her. He’s decided to kill himself in order to stay at camp with her forever. Oh Trevor. Montana, still upset about Ramirez, rejects him. At the lake, Xavier and the other ghosts are killing Jingles slowly, preventing him from getting to Ramirez. It’s a real dick move. They toss him into a boat and set it off. Suddenly, Jingles’ brother, Bobby, pops up from the beneath the water and drags him into the lake. It’s just like the last scene in the original Friday the 13th. Totally saw that coming. But I still jumped. Jingles comes back to life. Again. His mother and Bobby are having a picnic by the lake. He feels defeated for not being able to save his son, but his ghost family urges him to focus on being with them. He’ll find peace here. As the hitchhiker predicted, he’s lost a piece of himself. So, Jingles decides to stay. On one hand, it was a sweet scene. I’m glad he’s reunited with his family. On the other, I can’t imagine this being the end for Jingles.
This episode gave us some character backstories, a couple of AHS veterans, and an 80s pop group massacre. Fun.
Camp Golden Star
The opener is a flashback to 1948 at Camp Golden Star. We’ll learn later that this was the precursor to Redwood. Oh, AHS regular, Lily Rabe is there. I always liked her, especially in the Coven season. This time she’s playing Jingles’ mother. She works at the camp and also lives there with her sons Bobby (the favorite) and Benjamin (aka Jingles, the not-so-favorite). Btw, great casting with the kid who plays preteen Jingles. One day at the lake, Bobby is killed in a boating accident. Mother Jingles loses her shit and curses Benjamin, for not looking after his brother, and the counselors who also weren’t keeping an eye on her son. They were too busy having sex. Wait, is Bobby Jason Voorhies?
At the roller rink
After rescuing Brooke from execution, Donna takes her to a motel and helps her come down from the drug she gave her to make it appear like she was dead. Brooke recovers and hears about the music festival Margaret is throwing at Redwood. She vows revenge for the years that bitch took from her. Donna takes her to a roller rink to cheer her up. Cue the fun skating montage. It’s totally rad. Oh and then AHS regular Dylan McDermott (not Dermot Mulroney) pops up. I like these little cameos. Dylan is playing Bruce, a sketchy guy who asks the girls for a ride. Don’t do it! They refuse. Later, who should happen upon them when their car won’t start? Yep, Bruce. He fixes their car and Donna offers him a ride in return. On the road, Bruce starts to act creepy and the ladies want to kick him out. Unfortunately, a cop pulls up. Brooke is worried he’ll recognize her. The cop warns them about a killer who has been murdering women on this highway. Of course, Bruce is the guy. He shoots and kills the cop. The women manage to drive off. But Bruce catches up with them in the cop’s car and rear ends their car into a truck. They’re knocked unconscious and he kills the other driver. Brooke wakes up with a gun to her head and Donna tied to the back of the truck. Bruce gives her the choices of driving off and dragging her friend to her death or getting shot in the face. Is there a third option? A quick-thinking Brooke manages to get the upper hand, saving herself and Donna. They tie Bruce to a pole and cut his thumbs off. Eww, but deserved. Now it’s time to set off to Redwood. Watch out Margaret.
Ghost Mommy Dearest
Jingles shows up at camp and is promptly ambushed by the counselor ghosts. Nobody is happy to see him. Well, he did murder a large portion of the group. Montana, head bitch-ghost in charge, fills him in on what happened after they died. Their plan is to kill everyone at the festival in hopes of luring a ghostbuster to the camp who can figure out a way to get them out of purgatory. Seriously? That’s a stretch. They mention that there’s another ghost at camp. A lady in a white nightgown who terrorizes them. Jingles realizes that it’s his mother. He tells them about what happened to his brother in 1948. Afterwards, his mother butchered all of the counselors (Mrs. Voorhies-style) who let her son die. She tried to get Jingles too, but he accidently killed her instead. All of her blood and rage seeped into the ground. Back in the present day, Jingles speculates that this has caused the purgatory effect. He heads off to the cottage to confront his mother. Side note, they’re definitely channeling the 1988 horror classic Lady in White in this episode. That movie creeped me out as a kid. Anyways, Mama Jingles tells her son that she’s trapped at camp like the others. She’s still blames him for Bobby’s accident. The wrong son died. Ouch, mom. Furthermore, after seeing Jingles with Margaret back in 1970, she encouraged the nutty counselor to go on that killing spree. She really made her son’s life hell. And Christina Crawford thought she had it bad.
Too shy shy
Meanwhile, Margaret is surveying the camp grounds with Trevor and her assistant, Courtney. I appreciated that this episode had less of her. Trevor sees Montana and follows her into the woods for a ghostly makeout session. Meanwhile, Kojagoogoo has arrived to play at the festival. Too bad for them, Raimrez also shows up. It turns out the group sold their souls to Satan in order to achieve fame. So that’s why “Too Shy” was so popular. The Night Stalker is here to collect on their promise. He slaughters Kojagoogoo! So that’s why they never had another hit. Down at the lake, Jingles is getting ready for his showdown with Ramirez. His mother appears. They have a temporary thaw when he tells her about his son and how he named him after Bobby. Ghost mom warns him that if Ramirez kills him, he’ll stay dead. But if Jingles offs himself, he’ll come back. Then he can take down the Night Stalker and protect his son. Jingles makes the sacrifice and stabs himself in the stomach. That made me a little sad. His ghost returns, ready to take on Ramirez.
This week’s show was the 100th episode of AHS. It’s interesting to see how this series has evolved over the years. My favorite season was Asylum. Jessica Lange plays a great mean singing nun. The jury is still out on where 1984 will rate on the list, but this episode was pretty good at least.
Videoshack
We’re in 1985…wait that’s not the show I signed up for. Anyways, Nightstalker and Jingles are still hanging out and killing people. Well, just Nightstalker. Jingles is sick of him and his murderous ways. When he gets a chance, he tips off a community to his psycho travel companion. They catch Nightstalker and beat the crap out of him as Jingles rides off into the sunset. Cut to 1989 and Jingles has moved to Juno, Alaska to start over. He has a wife, kid, and a job at a video store. Sounds like a nice quaint life. He’s gotten over what happened at Redwood and has finally found happiness. Since this is AHS, his good fortune is short-lived. Nightstalker finds him (I’m sure Satan helped) and kills his wife. A devastated Jingles leaves his son in the care of his wife’s sister and heads back to Redwood to take on his old enemy.
Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
In 1989, Margaret has made a fortune off of buying properties associated with serial killers and turning them into tourist traps. They mention Briarcliff, a nod to Asylum. Oh, and Trevor is her husband. No, he’s not another ghost. It turns out he survived Margaret stabbing him. When he woke up from his coma, he blackmailed her into being his sugar mama. She did him one better and married him, so he couldn’t testify against her. Four years later and he’s sick of her. Join the club. The only bright spot is Leslie Jordan playing her assistant. I love his brand of kookiness.
Back to camp
Years after being killed, Montana, Xavier, and Ray are still stuck in Camp Purgatory. They’re joined by the ghosts of the counselors from the 1970 massacre. Purgatory is crowded. Xavier and Montana enjoy killing hapless campers who stumble upon Redwood. Ray normally cleans up after them, but finally gets fed up after they butcher two new people. The bodies are discovered, bringing media attention to the camp. Margaret seizes on the opportunity and decides to have a musical festival at the camp. Like a bloody Coachella. While giving a press conference, Chet (forgot about him) and Montana watch from the bushes. They’re itching to take down Margret. Again, join the club.
On death row
Brooke has the worst luck in the 1989 flashforward. She’s been sentenced to death for the camp massacre and is set to be executed at San Quentin. On death row, she encounters Nightstalker who tries to get her to come to the dark side. He says Satan will save her. She tells him to fuckoff. Nice. On the day of her execution, Margaret and Trevor are in the gallery watching. Brooke correctly assumes Margaret is there and tells her that she’ll burn in hell for what she did. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, thru the power of Satan, Nightstalker possess a guard and breaks out. And head to Juno. Back in the execution chamber, Brooke is given a lethal injection and pronounced dead. Or so we think. Her body is wheeled off to the morgue by the executioner and she’s given a drug to revive her. The injection must of have just been a sedative. And it turns out the executioner is Donna/Rita. Surprise, bitch!
Things got whacky this week at camp. Revelations, confessions, and sexual situations. And, of course, stabbings.
Papa was a serial killer
We get a Donna flashback at the top of the show. Back in 1980, she discovered that her father was a psychotic killer who butchered women. There’s too much disembowelment on this show. She begged him to stop. but he killed himself instead. This led her to studying serial killers. Daddy issues. Back in the present, freshly reborn Richard explains to Donna that Satan brought him back to life. I was right! Again! He also tells her that she has the same darkness inside that her father possessed. A vision of her father pops up to confirm this. Donna refuses to believe it. Fight the evil, girl.
Ghost Sex
Xavier is still losing his shit about not escaping Redwood, so Margaret knocks him out. The group takes him back to a cabin to hide out. Margaret claims she saw a couple of campers across the lake. She convinces Chet take a canoe ride over there with her and look for help. Of course, it’s a lie. She beats the crap out of him, cuts off his ear, and tosses him overboard. That crazy bitch. Meanwhile, Brooke spots Ray wandering around outside. What? Didn’t he get his head chopped off last week? She runs outside and catches up with him. He’s disoriented and doesn’t remember what happened to him. They hear Jingles coming and seek shelter in the dining hall. After having a nice heart-to-heart talk Brooke and Ray decide to hookup since they probably won’t make it through the night. Solid reasoning. Later, Brooke reveals that Ray was her first. Then the no-longer-virginal-maybe-final girl finds Ray’s severed head in the dining hall fridge. Oh, that’s where that went. She freaks out and runs off. Eh, I would have taken my chances with the ghost who just popped my cherry rather than go outside.
I’ll never be on the cover of TV Guide!
Donna runs into the cabin, finding Montana and Xavier. She confesses that she helped Jingles escape. Xavier blames her for his oven-roasted face and tries to kill her. She runs, he follows. While hiding, Donna encounters Jingles who tells her that Margaret is the real killer. He never took any lives, outside of his Vietnam War days, until tonight. Donna feels guilty and wants Jingles to kill her, but he denies her request. He only wants to take out Margaret. He finds her at the archery area and nearly succeeds. Too bad Xavier decides to play hero and shoot Jingles full of arrows, killing him. Margaret thanks Xavier by gutting hm. After she leaves, Ramirez appears. Jingles comes back to life and the Night Stalker asks him if he’s ready to accept Satan as his savior. I’m thinking he’ll say yes to the Devil.
Sunrise
Montana tells Brooke that her psycho fiancée was her brother. And then she tries to strangle her. Brooke can’t catch a break. Running and catfighting ensue. Brooke manages to get the best of Montana and stabs the hell out of her, just as the bus with the little campers pulls up. Oh, hey, kids. Cut to the cops and EMTs showing up at camp. Brooke is hauled off in handcuffs. Margaret pops up, after stabbing herself, and claims that Brooke attacked everyone. I’m so sick of her. An EMT attempts to help Ray. He’s put in an ambulance and taken away. But then we see him back at camp. He can’t leave. The ghost hiker shows up and tells Ray this is home now. At the same time, ghost Montana pops up and shoots one of the cops. She has no qualms about killing people now that she’s dead. Oh, and it seems Camp Redwood is purgatory and they’re all stuck here. Fun. Meanwhile, Richard and Jingles have stolen a cop car and are able to ride out of camp. Like a batshit crazy murderous Thelma and Louise. I wonder how they’re able to leave Redwood.
This episode was a mixed bag of good, bad, and gross. Typical.
I was right!
Last week I threw out a theory that Montana was Brooke’s former fiancée’s sister. And it turned out to be true! Not so random after all. We find out that Montana met Richard Ramirez while she was teaching a Midnight Manrobics (an actual thing) class. He revealed his crazy colors when he killed a class member who disagreed with Montana’s music choice. Don’t mess with Billy Idol. She enlisted Ramirez in killing Brooke, in order to avenge her brother. Unfortunately for them, Brooke kept evading death. Dumb luck.
That’s disgusting
Xavier arrives at the dining hall to warn Chef Bertie about Jingles. Unfortunately, the camp killer shows up before they can escape. Xavier hides while a calm, yet freaked out, Bertie engages Jingles. She even makes his favorite PBJ sandwich, just like when they were coworkers at the camp. Stupid Xavier makes a noise and is discovered by Jingles. Bertie tries to help and is beaten down with a mallet. Then Jingles tosses Xavier in the oven and locks him in. We have to watch him melt under the heat and it’s as gross as it sounds. Luckily, Bertie is able to get him out. But, she’s near death from Jingles’ beating. She makes Xavier stab her in the heart to end her suffering. Poor Bertie. Xavier is horrified when he sees his reflection. That oven did a number on him. Later, when he runs into Jingles he hopes for death, but the killer spares him. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
The real killer
The truth about Jingles came out when he comes after Margaret. She fills him in on what actually happened back in 1970. It turns out, she tried to get Jingles to murder the other counselors who were bullying her. What’s with these women asking for murderous favors. When Jingles didn’t come thru, psycho Margaret took matters into her own hands and went on a gleeful killing spree. Then she framed Jingles for the crimes. He proclaimed his innocence, but was hauled off to the asylum anyways. Then he was given electroshock therapy that wiped his memory. So, when everyone told him he killed half the camp, he believed them. Back in the present, Jingles is floored by this revelation. When he tries to kill Margaret (again) she shoots him three times. She assumes he’s dead, but then he disappears when her back is turned. Doesn’t anyone check for a pulse? Later, Trevor shows up and Margaret stabs him to death. She intends to frame Jingles again. She tosses Trevor’s body in a car (the last working vehicle and way out of this hell hole) and lights it on fire. She claims God has given her the power to accept her true killer self. I knew this bitch was crazy, but I didn’t realize how crazy.
Caught between two killers
After escaping the shack where Donna was keeping her captive, Brooke falls into a trap set by the nutty psychologist. Donna explains how she broke Jingles out of the asylum so she could study him and now Brooke is her lab rat. Donna hides and waits for the killer to arrive. But Ramirez (tipped off by Montana) shows up instead. Before he can kill Brooke, Jingles arrives. It’s a serial killer showdown. Almost as entertaining as Freddy vs. Jason. Jingles triumphs when he impales Ramirez on a tree branch, headfirst. Eww. Meanwhile, Montana discovers Donna and they get into a Dynasty-style catfight. It would have been better in a lily pond. Montana knocks the psychologist out and takes off. Donna wakes up in time see Richard being magically resurrected. I’m guessing this is Satan’s work. After this week’s reveals, it doesn’t sound so farfetched.
The Halloween movie series is one of my favorites in the horror genre. I always found Michael Meyers’ murderous rampages in Haddonfield to be pretty scary. The first two movies are the best. The third takes a weird, yet interesting turn. Part four brings back Michael while giving the series some new blood. But then you get to Halloween 5 and things start to go off the rails. Granted it’s not as bad as 6 or 8. And don’t even get me started on the horrific (not in a good way) Rob Zombie remakes. But 5 is still plain bad. For its 30th anniversary let’s get into why it sucks.
Michael’s back…again
The series could have stopped at part 4. Michael was presumed dead and his young niece, Jamie (Danielle Harris), had seemingly taken his place at the end when she stabs her mother. It was a full circle moment, calling back to the opening of the original Halloween. But this addition was very successful and another sequel sprang up. We discover that after being shot multiple times and falling down a mine shaft, Michael survives and crawls into the river undetected. Then he stumbles upon an old hermit in a shack and passes out. For a year. He was sleepy. So, we’re to believe the hermit, with limited means, somehow nursed Michael back to health and he woke up stronger than ever? Alright.
Jamie is suddenly psychic
Somehow Jamie develops a psychic link with Michael. When he awakens after his long nap, she feels it. When he kills somebody, she knows it and freaks out. But she’s also a mute now so she can’t really tell anyone what’s going on with her not-so-dead uncle. This leads to a lot of grunting and spazzing out throughout the film. It’s eye rolling. Jamie and Michael don’t need to be psychic friends.
Rachel gets killed early
Technically Jamie is the final girl of part 4. But Rachel (Ellie Cornell), her adopted sister, is kinda one too. She was a bit more active than Jamie because she was older. Rachel protected her little sister, fell off a roof, and ran Michael down with a truck. Very badass. So, when he stabs her in the chest at the beginning of 5, it’s disappointing. Especially because that leaves us with Tina (Wendy Kaplan). Ugh.
Tina is the worst
With Rachel gone, her friend Tina is left as Jamie’s caretaker. The character is annoying as hell. Loud, boisterous, and zany in a way that’s supposed to be endearing but because of the actress’ limitations comes off as nails on a chalkboard. Plus, she’s an idiot. Jamie warns her that she’s in danger, but Tina ignores her and runs off to a party. Girl, stay at home and lock the doors. You almost want her to die. And she does, while trying to save Jamie. At least she served one purpose.
The Keystone Cops
The screenwriters decided to inject some humor into the film by adding a pair of bumbling police officers. They even have their own clown-like theme music. Oh wow, these cops are so dumb. Isn’t that funny? No, no it is not. I’m ok with a little levity, but nobody needs a Laurel & Hardy routine in the middle of their horror movie. Also, I want my cops to be smart and capable. And willing to take a knife to the gut so I have some time to escape from the crazed killer.
Loomis is so extra
Donald Pleasence’s Dr. Loomis was never a subtle character. He runs around in five different Halloween movies crying about the evil that is coming. Like a macabre Chicken Little. But in this film, he takes it up a notch, throwing a fit in every scene because nobody believes his claims that Michael is alive. Pleasence chews on the scenery for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s as if director Dominique Othenin-Girard told him to go even bigger after every take. And then his character has the brilliant idea to lure Michel to the old Meyers house, using Jamie as bait. He’s lucky they weren’t both killed. Calm it down, doc.
That ending
Throughout the film we see the mysterious man in black (not Will Smith), with the same tattoo on his wrist that Michael has on his, creeping through Haddonfield. After Michael gets carted off to jail, the mystery man shows up at the police station, kills everyone inside, and busts Michael out. What? Who the hell is this guy? And who thought this would be a good ending?
Bright spot
The best moment of the movie is when Jamie is trying to escape Michael while crawling up a laundry chute. It’s a tense claustrophobic terrifying scene. If only the rest of the movie could have been as good.
In September 1989, Janet Jackson released her iconic Rhythm Nation 1814. Her record company wanted a sequel to the successful Control album. Janet had other plans, choosing to make a concept album focusing on racism, poverty, and substance abuse, among other social issues. She threw in some romantic ballads and pop songs too. The formula turned out to be winner. Rhythm went to the top the Billboard charts and sold 12 million records. Here is a ranking of the 12 tracks.
12. Lonely
Lonely is pretty basic and boring. Don’t isolate yourself, let others in, blah blah. It’s like a step-by-step guide for hapless loners.
11. Someday is Tonight
This is sequel to “Let’s Wait a While” from Control. Janet lets her boyfriend know she’s finally ready to go all the way. Eh, this wasn’t worth the wait. It tries too hard to be sensual and ends up sounding very cheesy.
10. Livin’ in a World (They Didn’t Make)
Janet sings about children being corrupted by a shitty world that adults have created A valuable message that gets lost in a sappy ballad. The kids deserved better than this.
9. Alright
I was never a huge fan of Alright. It’s a cute dance track, but nothing special. Great video, though.
8. The Knowledge
The concept here is knowledge equals power. In order to change the world, we need to begin with the children, giving them an education and stressing tolerance. I like her delivery over the hip-hop beat here.
7. State of the World
This a better message song than “Livin’ in a World”. It’s a catchy jam with powerful lyrics about homelessness, bullying, and crime. Something to think about while you dance.
6. Black Cat
Janet lets her inner rock star out in an unexpected turn from her normal sound. She makes the shift effortlessly and rides that electric guitar for all its worth.
5. Escapade
This is the perfect road trip song. Getting away with your friends and cranking up radio, as you did in the pre-Spotify days. It makes you want to sing-a long and save our troubles for another day. Indianapolis!
4. Love Will Never Do (Without You)
A sexy fun song. She sings about how people doubted her relationship with her guy because they were so different. In the end, they proved their friends wrong. The video for Love was a big departure for Janet. She was showing more skin and being flirty with the viewer. Giving us a taste of things to come.
3. Come Back to Me
The strings sound amazing on this track. I also like how she uses her lower register as she’s begging her lover to return. My favorite part is when she goes silent for a few seconds and you think it’s over, until she comes rushing back with another verse. It’s a beautiful song.
2. Rhythm Nation
This feels like Janet’s version of “Fight the Power”. She talks about coming together to push back against injustice. In an interview at the time, she said that she felt a responsibility to use her music as a way of inspiring people and bringing about change. Rhythm became a battle cry that resonated for a generation.
1. Miss You Much
I’ll tell your mama, I’ll tell you friends about how much I love this song. It’s classic Janet. A vibrant dance track with a bombastic sound. The other day I heard it played in a new movie and I couldn’t help but dance in my recliner seat. Thirty years later, this is still a hit.
NostalGeoff 